tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-49110582106111926142024-03-13T04:52:02.416+00:00Losing Half My WeightA journey towards wholeness by losing the heavy half of mejayme @ Losing Half My Weighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12380717295549751269noreply@blogger.comBlogger110125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4911058210611192614.post-8540730205140229202011-11-08T15:26:00.002+00:002011-11-08T15:54:36.539+00:00On a non-magical roundabout<div style="text-align: center;">I hate it when blog posts are like a broken record and become repetative.</div><br />
As a reader, I like new information and insights, fresh ideas, further reflection, and a bit of narrative development. To hear what comes off as being the "same ol', same ol'" turns me off. I'd rather just not read it and imagine something is developing rather than hear the same ol' crap is going on.<br />
<div style="color: #3d85c6; text-align: center;"><b><br />
</b></div><div style="color: #3d85c6; text-align: center;"><b>Therefore I find myself in a dilemma.</b></div><br />
It is for this reason that I have not been posting regularly on my blog since I completed my dissertation. Since this blog is billed as one that is documenting my journey in seeking to "lose half my weight," if that journey is on a bit of a hiatus at the moment, it stands to reason that what would get posted would be the same ol' crap I've already shared.<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">I've gained. I'm awaiting my Ph.D defense. I feel lost. I'm not sure how to get my focus back.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #3d85c6;">Yadda. Yadda. Yadda.</span></b></div><br />
Obviously, if someone else were saying this to me, I'd encourage them to shift their paradigm a bit, look at what else could be considered, written about, reflected upon, and explored in order to get one's mojo back. If someone else were telling me that all they had to say was the same ol' crap, then I'd say they needed some new lenses with which to see the world.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">But it's not someone else.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">It's me.</div><br />
And when I think of all those lenses out there I could be using, I just want to curl upon the couch with a cup of tea and the latest episode in my discovery of <a href="http://www.hbouk.com/the-wire/">The Wire</a>, and wait for the internal demands I'm placing upon myself to quieten.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY6SdCx6kIs8hilRTrsoE8jtJ5sgqmkGxhvqqSc0vg_G51wBe52tI39zzZxlj8RD5Mc0Hkfj-OY1lejH7auuO1OKpesIrXU3v-35w7Hxn4aM9JYS3Ihb_epA0wk0xn2SpX4yc8iRD0bh8/s1600/crossroads.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY6SdCx6kIs8hilRTrsoE8jtJ5sgqmkGxhvqqSc0vg_G51wBe52tI39zzZxlj8RD5Mc0Hkfj-OY1lejH7auuO1OKpesIrXU3v-35w7Hxn4aM9JYS3Ihb_epA0wk0xn2SpX4yc8iRD0bh8/s320/crossroads.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Abstract Crossroads (2009)<br />
DragonArtz Designs</td></tr>
</tbody></table>It's obvious that I'm at a crossroads in my life right now. But rather than it being a straight-forward 4-way, it feels more like a big, jumbled, confusing, scary mess. That's why I'm having a difficult time communicating it here without sounding like I'm going in circles on a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3DcChXNyYQ">roundabout of the non-magical variety.</a><br />
<br />
And since I tend to exhibit a *tiny* bit of road rage when I drive, I imagine my lost self as one of those annoying people who sit at an intersection trying to figure out which way they want to go, causing me (the part of me who just wants me to figure it out already) to miss the light and sit in traffic longer than I had planned.<br />
<br />
Gentle, lost Jayme says:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq"><i>Take your time, hon. You're grieving the end of this all-consuming process you've been a part of for 4 years. What you're feeling is natural. What you need to do and how you should do it will come to you. Whatever you need will eventually bubble up to the surface and you'll figure it out. Don't rush it.</i></blockquote>Impatient, road rage Jayme says:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq"><i>C'mon!! What is your problem?? You've turned that damn thing in almost 6 weeks ago! Life goes on. Get over it. Hurry up! I've got places to be and expectations to meet! </i>*HONK HONK*</blockquote><div style="text-align: center;">Fun, eh?</div><br />
And then I read a post today from <a href="http://www.janesinfinitewisdom.com/2011/11/intimacy-and-cost-of-blogging.html">Jane Taggart</a> on <a href="http://www.blogher.com/intimacy-and-cost-blogging?page=0,1">BlogHer about intimacy and the cost of blogging</a>, asking if bloggers have an obligation to their readers to regularly post and keep everyone who follows you updated on what is happening. She asks a really great question:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq"><i>Do we, as bloggers, have any obligation to our Lovely Readers? What happens when life or writer's block or boredom gets in the way and we suddenly find ourselves unable to produce any kind of publishable content? Do we owe readers an explanation? Would we give a dear friend an explanation if we were getting ready to plunge into the depths of the no-contact abyss for months at a time? Is it the same thing? ...</i><br />
<br />
<i>... We think we're out here, blogging, for ourselves. But! The moment we advertise ourselves and gain a following...whether that following is 10, 100, or 100,000+...we owe something to our readers. Something tremendous. Something well beyond ourselves. </i></blockquote><br />
In my effort to be authentic, my readers have always had my guarantee that I will always write about where I am in my journey. If, for now, my journey has been delayed at a rest stop along a deserted highway, do you still want to know about it? I wonder, my dear readers, what part of my story these days you want to hear about?<br />
<br />
Eventually, I will get back into losing weight (sooner rather than later, hopefully), but in the meantime, I do not want to bore you with the same old posts, trying to will myself to do something I'm obviously not yet ready to do. (Yet, I'll admit that to me they're boring but you may very well say they aren't....maybe it's just because I think about it so much more than I write about it).<br />
<br />
Maybe if I have some ideas, I can try to meet them and somehow find my way back in the process.<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #3d85c6;">One must always hope.</b></span></div>jayme @ Losing Half My Weighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12380717295549751269noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4911058210611192614.post-49766217438834357592011-10-28T12:49:00.000+01:002011-10-28T12:49:01.671+01:00Adrift in a sea of......nothingSo much for snapping right back into the weight loss efforts and life as I knew it pre-intensive-dissertation-writing time.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://cornerart.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/adrift___by_locopelli-copy1.jpg?w=280&h=300" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://cornerart.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/adrift___by_locopelli-copy1.jpg?w=280&h=300" width="374" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Adrift"<br />
Digital Photograph by Matt Stidham<br />
http://cornerart.wordpress.com/2011/01/</td></tr>
</tbody></table>It's been three weeks since my <a href="http://www.losinghalfmyweight.com/2011/10/and-now-we-return-to-our-regularly.html">last post</a> and I'm not really any closer to getting back into the groove of things as I thought I'd be. It's funny - when I was in the midst of writing, I wanted nothing more than to be done so I could get on with my life, doing things I'd had to stop doing in order to finish. And now that I'm done? I feel adrift, disjointed, and a little lost.<br />
<br />
I knew I'd feel this way, to some extent. You don't pour your heart and soul into something for four straight years, turn it in, and then simply go back to life as you knew it. I knew there'd be a period of feeling aimless and grieving the end to the process. What vocational purpose I had in life (beyond this particular part of getting fit) is somewhat diminished. For four years I have called myself a PhD student and when asked what I do, I had something to say. <br />
<br />
Now? I have no idea. Given the current state of theology/religion departments in the UK, chances of me finding a job in academia are pretty slim. So I find myself facing the prospects of blazing new trails, working freelance, writing and doing informal education - but such a possibility feels a bit overwhelming right now. <br />
<br />
There's a part of me that's tired of being a pioneer. It's always been my default. I feel like I am always fighting against the current, doing things differently, taking the road less traveled by. Despite the positives of such action, I'd like to travel in someone else's slipstream for just a little while. I really don't have the energy for whacking through all the brambles and undergrowth, clearing a bit of earth, and building something new right now. <br />
<br />
There's too much unknown. I don't know if my dissertation will be passed by the examiners (my defense is in December). I don't know yet if my current job will continue beyond the end of the year. I don't know where I'll be living 6-12 months from now. And after all these years of preparing, I don't know if the world wants what I've got to give if I did go my own way.<br />
<br />
All of this, as a result, takes its toll on my efforts to be healthier. Over the last three weeks, the scale has been as up and down, bobbing along as I have. 281.6, 278.2 and today's 280. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxlX22ZcU72DhwMagKfRFaV-XSKi03RH7WJbsVYm6st-zS1NLJk12741dI_SsPwGEELnTUiTk6EBD5M73fOtCk7dCZwS6pNKJRdPljcAT-v7EIFEPtjYVv95YhETuoR3QCuoUxBnDkX4k/s1600/27+October+2011.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxlX22ZcU72DhwMagKfRFaV-XSKi03RH7WJbsVYm6st-zS1NLJk12741dI_SsPwGEELnTUiTk6EBD5M73fOtCk7dCZwS6pNKJRdPljcAT-v7EIFEPtjYVv95YhETuoR3QCuoUxBnDkX4k/s400/27+October+2011.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
I'm eating good stuff (for the most part), but just too much. And I have determined that I am definitely a binge eater. That has become apparent in the last 3 months. And I am going to the gym, but not enough (about once a week so far). I'm not recording, I'm not keeping track, I'm not counting. And so I'm not seeing results. <br />
<br />
I decided to go back and look at where I was a year ago on this here blog and I found something interesting. Roughly this time last year, I wrote <a href="http://www.blogger.com/%C2%B8http://www.losinghalfmyweight.com/2010/10/priorities-schmiorities.html">a post about priorities</a> that was an attempt to kick myself in the tail and get back in gear.<br />
<br />
Is there a pattern here? Is October my "drift" month? Is the waning daylight connected to my despondency (aka "lack of courage and umph")? It's totally plausible. Add on top of that this period of life I'm in and it's no wonder I'm struggling.<br />
<br />
So maybe this is an opportunity to start fresh, to wipe the slate clean, to make a new schedule for myself and see what rises to the surface after a few weeks. I want to be gentle with myself, acknowledge this place of life that I am in, sit with it and not try to make myself busy in order to gloss over it. But I also know I can't sit with it indefinitely. Eventually I need to act. <br />
<br />
So today I'm going to spend the day figuring out a schedule, making a list of priorities and what needs to get done work-wise, figure out how to map some ideas I have, and see what happens. I may also change my weigh-in days to Wednesdays. Sundays just aren't working for me, really.<br />
<br />
Will let you know how I get on. jayme @ Losing Half My Weighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12380717295549751269noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4911058210611192614.post-50940681140969889662011-10-02T12:57:00.000+01:002011-10-02T12:57:25.686+01:00And now we return to our regularly scheduled program....Well, it's been almost 2 months since my last post - and holy cow, what a 2 months it has been! Seriously, it has been a roller coaster ride of emotions, pressure, stress, writing, editing, and more as I've spent the last 2 months finishing up my Ph.D dissertation.<br />
<br />
But it's handed in now (I did that a couple days ago) and life is slowly returning to some semblance of normal, albeit a strange kind of normal without having this idea of the dissertation always looming. My defense is in early December, so it's not completely done. I'll need to go back to it, read, and do a bit more research in preparation for my defense. And then, in the defense, most likely there will be recommended revisions before it passes. So the process is not completely over, but barring major revisions, the hard part is done.<br />
<br />
Want to see what it looks like?<br />
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSMFja996RITDeg5WalwNHyzQuXDwRcpb4LknGsXUigShyphenhyphen1_Bq2CA_XzRyQdRXA6axBOfr25VMq2c5iflUkTSsVIPvy7MTdhNYuAYmVr7OoSfA2IOoQq3Uvv1yl_GOPCzG9ZyZrDmP7DU/s1600/front+cover+-+edited.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSMFja996RITDeg5WalwNHyzQuXDwRcpb4LknGsXUigShyphenhyphen1_Bq2CA_XzRyQdRXA6axBOfr25VMq2c5iflUkTSsVIPvy7MTdhNYuAYmVr7OoSfA2IOoQq3Uvv1yl_GOPCzG9ZyZrDmP7DU/s400/front+cover+-+edited.png" width="323" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">the front cover</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg92dizwmruxxRSIX7R04GgIqPKCkPVHWGH9DweVv9HkluQTThvug2t2rVHjssmgVRs77JNQVuoqTLCHrwQRXw_vGg3OctaBdocDIBuMOLdOfsZrspPAZD6zrZYuzhlqffBTAFvQzVTkeQ/s1600/page+169.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg92dizwmruxxRSIX7R04GgIqPKCkPVHWGH9DweVv9HkluQTThvug2t2rVHjssmgVRs77JNQVuoqTLCHrwQRXw_vGg3OctaBdocDIBuMOLdOfsZrspPAZD6zrZYuzhlqffBTAFvQzVTkeQ/s400/page+169.jpg" width="298" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">first page of chapter four</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFjhUi99LhVGDn229nOVgK_DcJYGLyqhKZ6LtzzDsWpVlxZB3UTwydXQl4yThQtKcykJvneNQ7It9YUP-JCVsWf7d1VaRTS6zCAJrDCaPvpFR8jQyU-KDieHUoNs58kuJq75SZB9qMj4o/s1600/Page+241.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFjhUi99LhVGDn229nOVgK_DcJYGLyqhKZ6LtzzDsWpVlxZB3UTwydXQl4yThQtKcykJvneNQ7It9YUP-JCVsWf7d1VaRTS6zCAJrDCaPvpFR8jQyU-KDieHUoNs58kuJq75SZB9qMj4o/s400/Page+241.jpg" width="298" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">one of the prettiest pages to me - footnotes are beautiful!</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
A few stats about this thing. It turned out being:<br />
<ul><li>395 pages (352 pages of text + 34 pages of bibliography)</li>
<li>87,859 words in main text </li>
<li>48,978 words in footnotes</li>
<li>approximately 1,200 paragraphs</li>
</ul>These 395 pages represent four years worth of work for me, and while I know I need to be proud of this achievement (and I am), it's hard to celebrate fully until I know what my examiners think. I can think I did the most amazing thing in the world, but if my examiners don't like it, it can all be for naught. So early December will bring the result and will dictate just where I stand in the whole process.<br />
<br />
So it's not over. But it is over for now.<br />
<br />
<div style="color: #b45f06; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #3d85c6; text-align: center;"><b>And so now life returns to what it was before the madness began.</b></div><br />
<br />
So, where am I on the whole losing weight thing?<br />
<br />
Heavier than I had hoped I'd be, but about what I expected. Shall we reveal the toll the last 2 months have taken?<br />
<br />
Drum roll please....<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuawbyDVleQQxszMf1OfiB4YyVI9_4lc2YwX3JT4-VCz-jSoKKL2XRQOWV35XypsdknRaaiOYSz1TXehytgrrY7-FBVCXQWrthHQlavNpaYn1-vy9Pe-PO0MClZR2xd6RSUI-CZ9SUEiI/s1600/2+October+weigh-in.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuawbyDVleQQxszMf1OfiB4YyVI9_4lc2YwX3JT4-VCz-jSoKKL2XRQOWV35XypsdknRaaiOYSz1TXehytgrrY7-FBVCXQWrthHQlavNpaYn1-vy9Pe-PO0MClZR2xd6RSUI-CZ9SUEiI/s320/2+October+weigh-in.jpg" width="278" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">2 October 2011 weigh-in</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
Starting weight: 327.0<br />
Last weigh-in (9 August): 270.6<br />
<u>Current weigh-in (2 October): 279.6 </u><br />
Gain of + 9.0<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Total Loss - 47.4 lbs </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Yeah, it's a little disappointing I have to admit. I was doing pretty well at maintaining until these last 2 months, and then all health-related habits pretty much took a hiatus with my blog. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I wish I could have continued to lose or maintain. But at the same time, I know I need to give myself a break. I have just completed the hardest thing I have EVER done....and probably one of the hardest things I will ever do. The task was immense, to say the least. And so, a 9 pound gain, in the big scheme of things, is not the end of the world.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
I'm headed back to the gym this coming week. Time to get back into the routine. I miss running. I miss swimming. I miss feeling strong. I feel flabby, slobbish, and weak again. I feel tight, inflexible, and heavy. My lack of exercise and improper diet (particularly not enough fruit & vegetables) has wreaked havoc on my digestive system, skin, and mood. I didn't want to go back to that, but this dissertation exacted its price in whatever way it could, and unfortunately, that's what went.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">But what's done is done. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">And watch out, October, because I'm gonna try hard to knock you out.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: #b45f06; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i><b>What have I missed in your world? </b></i></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i style="color: #b45f06;"><b>And what do you do to get back on the horse after a break?</b></i></span></div>jayme @ Losing Half My Weighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12380717295549751269noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4911058210611192614.post-46383828661550165012011-08-09T12:55:00.002+01:002011-08-09T14:44:51.226+01:00Weigh-in no. 47: the kid's alright...It was my blog's one year birthday yesterday! My first post was on <a href="http://www.losinghalfmyweight.com/2010/08/inaugural-post-heres-to-new-life-and.html">8 August 2010</a> and, my my...what a year it has been!!<br />
<br />
After last week's weigh-in, I was feeling a little defeated, reluctantly resigned to the idea that, yes, I am probably going to gain a bit over the next 7 weeks as I try to finish my dissertation. Somewhere in my head, I had translated last week's 272 weight to 273. And just to beat myself up a bit more and know just how bad I've been doing, I weighed yesterday morning (notice I didn't even bother to weigh on sunday) expecting to see 274 or so....<br />
<br />
and lo and behold....<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizn0gSAbwBpE1lRNjh1wq_NT-pyt4rbx46YWu9ufXEM1jO5EhKmbZklRlrsm0_nyrLs-5qD_s_Q7fpVNvjL-AMbaaRBfoDAFDsEWh8LPFCgcxertwdvIy1VWqJnIFAjcJaQBxa4TK6388/s1600/weigh-in+no.+47.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizn0gSAbwBpE1lRNjh1wq_NT-pyt4rbx46YWu9ufXEM1jO5EhKmbZklRlrsm0_nyrLs-5qD_s_Q7fpVNvjL-AMbaaRBfoDAFDsEWh8LPFCgcxertwdvIy1VWqJnIFAjcJaQBxa4TK6388/s320/weigh-in+no.+47.jpg" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Weigh-in no. 47 (-1.4 lbs)</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
<div style="color: #b45f06; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b><i>hot diggity dog!!</i></b></span></div><br />
Starting weight: 327.0<br />
Last week : 272.0<br />
<u>This week: 270.6 </u><br />
Gain of - 1.4 <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Total Loss - 56.4 lbs </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">* sigh of relief * </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Blame it on stress, blame it on water weight gain, blame it on whatever....but man, I feel so much better knowing that I actually am maintaining rather than gaining. At 270.6, I'm only up 0.8 lb from when I started maintaining in June to finish my dissertation. Suddenly, I go from disappointment in myself to pride in a matter of minutes. Crazy, huh? </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I'm usually loathe to blame gains on the time of the month or whatever for myself, mostly because I have a Merina IUD which pretty much causes me to hardly ever have a period, but this past week I had a bit of one.....and that must have been what caused the gain.... because I haven't eaten any differently than I have been eating.... </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">And let's talk about the whole eating thing. I still eat healthily. I looked at our grocery basket Sunday night when we went to get groceries and it was full of fresh fruit, veggies, complex carbs, healthy proteins, and the like. Despite the gain I thought I had, I was proud that our eating has changed and that even at this stressful time, the basket wasn't full of junk.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">'Cause you know what? If the house had junk in it, I'd be eating it right now. I've mentioned it before, but I want to say it again: this whole losing weight business takes a lot of time and energy. Some folks think that it's just a bit of a shift and life continues on as normal, but it doesn't. At this particular stage in my life as I devote 90% of my mental energy to the labor and delivery of this PhD dissertation, I have been overwhelmed with the reality that I just don't have the energy to count calories and give serious thought to my food choices. The amount of energy that it takes to have that mental conversation, talking yourself out of eating something....it's just not there. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Which is why grocery shopping has been so important in this process.....that is the <i>only </i>time I really have to be intentional about what is purchased and stocked in the house. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">In other news, I had a chance to meet up with friends this past weekend (which is a big deal in and of itself....this whole PhD malarky is such a solitary business!!) and, after hearing my disappointment in gains (this was before I weighed), they encouraged me to post about everything I'm losing right now - not just weight but things I'm ticking off my list that show progress on the dissertation front.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I don't want to bore you with details, but I will share where I am and what I still have left to do, just so this all makes a bit more sense (as it's ridiculous for me to assume everyone knows the kind of stuff I've been busy doing):</div><ul><li>Since June, I have wrapped up writing and editing five chapters, totalling roughly 240 pages (66,000 words in the actual dissertation, 36,000 words in footnotes).</li>
<li>Yesterday, I sent those 5 chapters plus an argument summary for each section and a table of contents to external readers and supervisor for editing, proofing and feedback.</li>
<li>I still have my final chapter - chapter 6 - to finish, plus overall introduction, conclusion and abstract/summary to write.</li>
<li>And finally, I have to make whatever changes my external readers suggest I make and final edits to the entire dissertation once it's all finished.</li>
</ul>And I have 6 weeks left to do it all. Turn in date is 30 September, but it needs to be finished about a week before that in order to have time to get it bound into soft cover (paperback) in order to be submitted for examination.<br />
<br />
At times (mostly it's when I'm getting down on myself about not losing weight), I begin to think that what I'm doing isn't that big of a deal, that I'm making it into a huger deal than it actually is.<br />
<br />
But other times, when I consider that it's taken me almost 4 years to get to this point, and that this is the culmination of a LOT of work, stress, and thinking, I give myself a break.<br />
<br />
And it occurred to me the other day that I have never once heard anyone say, "Compared to this, doing a PhD is a piece of cake," or "My PhD was so much easier than <u>__fill in the blank __</u>." One friend reminded me this week that its <i>supposed</i> to be hard, otherwise everyone would do one. And this process is <i>supposed</i> to weed out those who can't produce what one needs to produce in order to get those letters behind one's name.<br />
<u> </u><br />
But is my success guaranteed? No. I could do all this and still not pass. What are the chances of that happening? Ummm....I'm not sure. I'll have a better idea when I hear back from my readers in about 3 weeks' time.<br />
<br />
So, with all that going on, I have to give myself some credit; a .8 lb or even 5 lb gain isn't that big a deal.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.melgetsfit.com/">Mel Gets Fit</a> posted this image on Twitter the other day and I loved it. (btw, you should check her out - she's doing great work!) It seemed to sum up not only my weight loss journey, but just where I am in general right now on good days...or what I have to remind myself of on bad days:<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://melgetsfit.tumblr.com/post/8587336200/chill-girl-you-got-this"><img border="0" height="271" src="http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lmjt6nfjLG1ql9dnko1_500.png" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">Indeed.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">1 year on and I've lost 56.4 lbs (4 stone) and am churning out some of the hardest work I've done in my life. <br />
I think that's worth celebrating!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"></div>jayme @ Losing Half My Weighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12380717295549751269noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4911058210611192614.post-61230246410877353812011-07-31T15:06:00.003+01:002011-07-31T15:08:57.094+01:00Weigh-in no. 46<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>I'm still here. Two weeks since last weigh-in and up two pounds.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjg1dFbHRP2O7JajkKQkuqF0JmWZkEGAsRNBntTtHcghAfy3PEluIkILeiqT-tzbGnlSL6gRHKlJWh6NQ56bXpATZjutCtd_OurCApuA99RToFw_rbuVE9mBVKOngFIfQMvwktAR025UDA/s1600/weigh-in+no.+46.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjg1dFbHRP2O7JajkKQkuqF0JmWZkEGAsRNBntTtHcghAfy3PEluIkILeiqT-tzbGnlSL6gRHKlJWh6NQ56bXpATZjutCtd_OurCApuA99RToFw_rbuVE9mBVKOngFIfQMvwktAR025UDA/s320/weigh-in+no.+46.jpg" width="239" /></a></div><br />
Starting weight: 327.0<br />
Last week : 270.0<br />
<u>This week: 272.0 </u><br />
Gain of + 2.0 <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Total Loss - 55.0 lbs </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I didn't post last week because I didn't have anything to say. And, while I don't really have much to say here either (or at least I don't think I do....), I couldn't <i>not</i> post. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Two months from yesterday, all being well, I will be finished with my interruption in trying to lose weight. My dissertation will be handed in and life will return to a new version of normal.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Some reflections on things as they stand at the moment: </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">- I'm starting to feel fat again. I'm only up 2.8 pounds from my lowest weight, but I can feel it creeping back into my psyche. It's partially related to my gain, but mostly I think it is because of my substantial decrease in exercise. Sitting on my bum all day at a desk typing away isn't doing a lot to keep the slob monster away.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">- I recognize that my quest for balance feels a little out of balance with my priority toward this dissertation taking center-stage. And yet, I feel as if it is the best thing I can do for me at the moment. It's not my only choice - I could quit, get an extension, or whatever - but it's the only thing I want to do. It <i>has</i> to get done, and the sooner the better. And I think it's just part of life that sometimes you have to put important things aside for a short amount of time to get other important things done. It doesn't make it easier though....</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">So, that's where I am. Hanging in there. Waiting for October 1 to hurry up and get here - but not too fast because I still have a lot to do! </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"></div>jayme @ Losing Half My Weighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12380717295549751269noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4911058210611192614.post-70307775575856234412011-07-17T17:00:00.003+01:002011-07-17T17:23:28.987+01:00Weigh-in no. 45: between starshine and clay<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXHg-RUp-fNr2Dk5A-Ai8eKg9d-rmkYWFTToGIEKIqriEX9VsfIMwS5yQcrlvJqHyHFyFvZzWhbMyIKaeY8PYnq8b8xLJTc2W9RprThaYmNSrxou1ZiXBCcuXpHeocvNrxYZi87gf5pNw/s1600/weigh-in+no.+45.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXHg-RUp-fNr2Dk5A-Ai8eKg9d-rmkYWFTToGIEKIqriEX9VsfIMwS5yQcrlvJqHyHFyFvZzWhbMyIKaeY8PYnq8b8xLJTc2W9RprThaYmNSrxou1ZiXBCcuXpHeocvNrxYZi87gf5pNw/s320/weigh-in+no.+45.jpg" width="278" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Weigh-in no. 45 (-0.6)</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
Starting weight: 327.0<br />
Last week : 270.6<br />
<u>This week: 270.0 </u><br />
Loss of - 0.6 <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Total Loss - 57.0 lbs </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I'll take it. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">This week has been a bit blah for me, so a loss is welcomed. Everything sort of culminated this week in my mind - the weight of my dissertation, the weight of the <a href="http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/local-national/northern-ireland/police-braced-for-orange-parades-16021820.html?r=RSS">f*%cked-up-ness of this place I live in</a> called Northern Ireland, the weight of my attacks of self-doubt that I'll actually pass and get those three letters after my name and a decent job after all this work, my actual weight and inability to focus on it right now....</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">So I've been a bit down this week.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">But things are coasting slowly back up. I've made some decisions regarding my research and what I need to do to get it done, I've tried to note where my doubt is rational and irrational and act accordingly, and have reminded myself who I am, where I want to be, what kind of life I want and what it'll take to get there.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I'm aware that this period in my life is a transition time as I know I am finishing up one big thing to eventually move into something new. Those times in life (and I've had my fair share) have always been hard for me. You'd think I'd deal with change well after all the moving and re-starting somewhere new that I've done in my 35 years...but the unknown and insecurity about what the future holds always weighs on my mind when transition is imminent. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">And the fact that I'm not self-destructing by gaining a lot of my weight back in all of this is pretty amazing, really.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Note to self: <i style="color: #134f5c;">Take heart. Have courage. You've learned a lot in the last few months. You're human and you'll continue to make mistakes, but look at all you've done with your life thus far. You're gonna get through this, and it'll be fine. Your mantra has always been "Somehow, it always gets done and things work themselves out." No reason to stop saying or believing that now.</i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div>One of my favorite poets is <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lucille_Clifton">Lucille Clifton</a> and I am reminded of a few lines from my favorite poem of hers, called "song at midnight," on these days:<br />
<blockquote><blockquote><blockquote><blockquote><blockquote><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: #b45f06; text-align: left;"><b><i>won't you celebrate with me</i></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: #b45f06; text-align: left;"><b><i>what I have shaped into </i></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: #b45f06; text-align: left;"><b><i>a kind of life? i had no model.</i></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: #b45f06; text-align: left;"><b><i>born in babylon</i></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: #b45f06; text-align: left;"><b><i>both nonwhite and woman</i></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: #b45f06; text-align: left;"><b><i>what did i see to be except myself?</i></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: #b45f06; text-align: left;"><b><i>i made it up</i></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: #b45f06; text-align: left;"><b><i>here on this bridge between</i></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: #b45f06; text-align: left;"><b><i>starshine and clay</i></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: #b45f06; text-align: left;"><b><i>my one hand holding tight</i></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: #b45f06; text-align: left;"><b><i>my other hand; come celebrate</i></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: #b45f06; text-align: left;"><b><i>with me that everyday</i></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: #b45f06; text-align: left;"><b><i>something has tried to kill me</i></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><b><i style="color: #b45f06;">and has failed.</i></b></div></blockquote></blockquote></blockquote></blockquote></blockquote><blockquote><blockquote><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Lucille Clifton, "song at midnight," from her collection called <i>Book of Light</i> (Port Townsend, WA: Copper Canyon Press, 1992)</span>. <span style="font-size: x-small;">Available on Amazon <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Book-Light-Lucille-Clifton/dp/1556590520/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1310919510&sr=8-3">here</a>. </span></div></blockquote></blockquote><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">And so I continue to move forward. One foot in front of the other. Without drama, but with determination. One page and one footnote at a time. Trying to asking no more of myself than to do the very best I can, knowing that it will not (and should not) be perfect.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div>jayme @ Losing Half My Weighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12380717295549751269noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4911058210611192614.post-10876819635463888662011-07-10T19:17:00.003+01:002011-07-10T20:13:20.045+01:00Weigh-in no. 44<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiCmmnsRE_OhYQF-7nvmYZiYB0vmKZx6v7gTMsL0kVZTbkhYhGd8lwN35OzmBJI8_EQgYHA3rN7_GKRlJo_JbutJIQRFlSMj5yEKiTIj2fx0Z7bSbRd9oBoLr2l8UkvAOG2lAG6WKLs1c/s1600/weigh-in+no.+44.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiCmmnsRE_OhYQF-7nvmYZiYB0vmKZx6v7gTMsL0kVZTbkhYhGd8lwN35OzmBJI8_EQgYHA3rN7_GKRlJo_JbutJIQRFlSMj5yEKiTIj2fx0Z7bSbRd9oBoLr2l8UkvAOG2lAG6WKLs1c/s320/weigh-in+no.+44.jpg" width="262" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Weigh-in no. 44 (- 0.8 lbs)</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
Starting weight: 327.0<br />
Last week : 271.4<br />
<u>This week: 270.6 </u><br />
Loss of - 0.8 <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Total Loss - 56.4 lbs </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I get the feeling that over the next couple months, I'll keep losing and gaining the same couple of pounds over and over. But as I <a href="http://www.losinghalfmyweight.com/2011/06/weigh-in-no-42-decisions-made.html">decided a couple weeks ago</a>, I've committed to maintaining until I get my dissertation finished (I know y'all are going to get tired of hearing about it, but it is pretty much all my life consists of right now!).</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">However, perhaps I should say that even though I didn't go to the gym this week, I did run/walk intervals and churned out 45-50 pages. That, I think, is worth celebrating!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Also, my best friend back at home put some goodies in the post for me for my birthday, including some clothes that I had ordered from Old Navy (on a side note: jeans here in the UK/Ireland don't seem to be made for big-bottomed girls. Most larger women I see here (or most people in general, I have to say) have kinda flat patooties.....and, for that reason, the jeans just never seem to fit me right around the hips and ass area. So I have to order them from the states). I ordered 2 XXL t-shirts (not the plus-size, but normal XXL) and 2 pair of jeans in size 18 & 16, so I could work my way into them over the next few months. The t-shirts? Kinda big! I can still wear them, but I think I could have gotten away with an XL in both. And the jeans? I could put on the 18's and wear them, but I wouldn't leave the house in them just yet. So nearly there....and while I've committed to maintaining, perhaps they'll be a good motivation to lose just that little bit so that I can wear them.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">On the exercise front, I find myself a little frustrated with the whole running gig. I still like doing it and I'll continue because the movement I'm doing, regardless of the time I'm able to do, is good. However, as you may notice if you read the blog regularly, <a href="http://www.losinghalfmyweight.com/2011/05/weigh-in-no-37.html">before I left on vacation</a> in early June, I was able to run 13 minutes (1 mile) on the treadmill without stopping. Not a huge amount, but a hard-won and kinda big deal for me. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Granted, it was on a treadmill. With <u>no</u> resistance or incline. In a climate-controlled gym. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">And I took a break from running for about 3 weeks.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">And now I'm running outside, around my neighborhood. There's hills. Gentle inclines, more like....up and down....</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">But damn if it doesn't almost kill me to do 3 minutes now!! I went back to Couch to 5K training just for the ease of things (time, music, prompts, distance measured, etc) and Week 3 kicked my ass. What the hell is that about?? (can you tell by my profanity that I'm frustrated?)</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Seriously...I'm heaving by the 3 minute mark...WTF?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Oh well. At least I'm not getting stitches or shoulder pain anymore, which I was getting when I first started running outside. And I'm learning how to regulate my pace better. And I'm getting my heart rate up despite the amount of time I actually run. So I'll keep at it.....but still. Damn. Kinda makes me mad.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Oh, and I've figured out the snack food for the library thing. Measured servings of dry cereal like Cookie Crisp or Cheerios seems to do the trick for me with the need for crunchy, bite-size snacks instead of M&Ms or the like. The roasted chickpeas didn't turn out so well - a bit like unpopped kernels of popcorn at the bottom of the bag - so I'm not sure if I did them wrong or if that's just the way they're supposed to be.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">And that's me for the week. Wish me luck - chapter due to my supervisor this coming week!!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div>jayme @ Losing Half My Weighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12380717295549751269noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4911058210611192614.post-12410590632621871102011-07-03T13:36:00.004+01:002011-07-03T14:17:25.094+01:00weigh-in no. 43: Mindful vs. Mindless Eating & #DIY5K<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfNyM-yAwcDyxrbqT8fCf_CmQ2pbtLkY0P1iU4mMZU18i9ObPoGQMkwDLlmeDREwaW1BajicZ8Ok18fsBrGUgDQAubh4krTEWJ8QaHI5P7xl_u_zeVZeEmp4HB_dm4GJ-ya648a-ajXFA/s1600/weigh-in+no.+43.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfNyM-yAwcDyxrbqT8fCf_CmQ2pbtLkY0P1iU4mMZU18i9ObPoGQMkwDLlmeDREwaW1BajicZ8Ok18fsBrGUgDQAubh4krTEWJ8QaHI5P7xl_u_zeVZeEmp4HB_dm4GJ-ya648a-ajXFA/s320/weigh-in+no.+43.jpg" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">weigh-in no. 43 (+ 2.0)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Starting weight: 327.0<br />
Last week : 269.4<br />
<u>This week: 271.4 </u><br />
Gain of + 2.0<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Total Loss - 55.6 lbs </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Yep. A gain. To be fair, some of it is water gain I think: my feet and hands feel a little puffy, mostly since I did my #DIY5K run/walk yesterday (more on that below) and didn't drink enough water over the course of the day afterwards.<br />
<br />
But still, I'll admit that my eating was out of control this week, wanting to snack and munch like my life depended on it. Most of it was healthy (except for some M&M's and Galaxy Minstrels), but that problem of just eating too much of good things has probably taken its toll as well.</div><div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZOXzLszA3y4IncOcl491CiTbWeIap26fmlfuCce_nFvkLSqnQ0D2a6PZRIxC_W8j0KGHzXX8N3zJL9IBEyCgNFbse6SK3fDIIphDhCYKoiFX1M2aVUiF5ZsnHN-MZLnHqA86FLtxL2uU/s1600/minstrels.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZOXzLszA3y4IncOcl491CiTbWeIap26fmlfuCce_nFvkLSqnQ0D2a6PZRIxC_W8j0KGHzXX8N3zJL9IBEyCgNFbse6SK3fDIIphDhCYKoiFX1M2aVUiF5ZsnHN-MZLnHqA86FLtxL2uU/s200/minstrels.jpg" width="181" /></a>Is it emotional eating? I'm not feeling particularly emotional right now - positive or negative. There's a moderate amount of stress due to all that's on my shoulders at the moment, but, to be honest, I expected to be much more stressed out than I am at this stage. But as I've said before, I find that oftentimes I mindlessly eat out of boredom or out of just not knowing what else to do. And as I sit there all day in the library trying to give birth this 80,000 word (200-300 pages) dissertation baby, I just find that I keep wanting to nibble on something to do something else besides just stare at the screen and write. Hence, the M&M's and Minstrels.<br />
<br />
On a subconscious level, I wonder if I'm eating in order to feel some satisfaction, a sense of being full, a sort-of completion. Working with something that will take a while longer to complete, I wonder if I'm eating in order to stimulate that feeling outside of the actual experience of being done? I've searched high and low for negative issues like sabotage, but I don't think it's there.<br />
<br />
At the same time, I have noticed how much time and energy it takes to eat <i>mindfully</i> - particularly since this week I have eaten somewhat <i>mindlessly.</i> Now that I have something else that is requiring a huge amount of my time and energy, I find I have little left over to devote to planning meals, talking myself out of snacks or finding other activities to divert myself, etc. <br />
<br />
Exercise has been fine this week; I've run 3 days this week in the neighborhood and have felt good about my progress, considering my decision to scale back a little bit. I've actually gone back to Couch to 5K (C25K) training just for the ease of time, distance, and intensity (and I've got a great <a href="http://itunes.apple.com/gb/app/couch-to-5k/id313494823?mt=8">iPhone app</a>!). I started back at Week 3, which is fairly easy but given the hills and resistance running around in my neighborhood provides, I thought it'd be a good place to start.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.diy5k.com/" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-hOsVzTNxdGg/TguH4fszCxI/AAAAAAAAAaE/0DmnzvWQQ_U/s1600/diy5k-full.png" /></a></div>Also, I signed up to the <a href="http://www.diy5k.com/">#DIY5K</a> for the month of July. Have you heard of it?<br />
<blockquote><i>DIY 5K is a monthly challenge to complete a 5K at any time during the month, race-style. You can run it or you can walk it. If you're handicapable and use another modality (bike, wheelchair, etc.), you can do that. It does not matter - this is your 5K, your way.</i> </blockquote>In addition to signing up to the challenge, I've decided to take it further and challenge myself to do a 5K once a week during July. I thought that a do-able and yet hefty enough challenge for these next 3 months. And I've set myself a baseline time of 58:44 that I'll work on beating each week. 1 week down. 4 more to go. <br />
<br />
<div style="color: #b45f06; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;"><b><i>What challenges - private or with others - </i></b></span><br />
<span style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;"><b><i>are you participating in right now?</i></b></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;"><b><i>What are some ideas/recipes for snacking/nibbling that are a better choice? Roasted chickpeas? Kale chips?</i></b></span></div></div>jayme @ Losing Half My Weighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12380717295549751269noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4911058210611192614.post-18880156403373705912011-06-26T12:12:00.002+01:002011-06-27T10:24:46.892+01:00Weigh-in no. 42: Decisions madeFirst, I want to say thanks to everyone who gave me feedback here on my blog and on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/losinghalfmyweight">Facebook</a> about <a href="http://losinghalfmyweight.blogspot.com/2011/06/weigh-in-no-41-decisions-decisions.html">last week's post</a>, as I was trying to figure out how to negotiate the priorities and limited time and energy I have between now and the end of September when my dissertation is due. Your moral support, ideas and just general encouraging presence were very helpful!<br />
<br />
My last post was Wednesday this week with last Sunday's weigh-in. That day, the issues were pretty much coming to a head. I was disgusted with my lack of activity, feeling slothful and slobbish, noting a decrease in energy, and finding that my eating was pretty off-track as a result.<br />
<br />
So, I decided that, while I may not be able to devote the same amount of time as I have in months past, I can't face 3 months of not exercising. I can't face how I know not exercising would make me feel. And so, I am going to keep at it.<br />
<br />
I may not do as much time at the gym as I had been, but I'm still going to try for 3-4 times per week. This morning, I went for a run in my neighborhood, it took me 35 minutes instead of the 1 hour + it would have taken me to drive to the gym and run on the treadmill for the same amount of time. So, I'm going to aim for going to the gym 2 days a week (at least one of those will be for swimming) and the rest I'll try to do here at home unless the weather's just terrible. We'll see how I get on.<br />
<br />
Now for today's weigh-in...<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpAOTcaSpVn79rDF66nznL83UHXPTucnCXQ8llMXvBdvEzOkVYgVb_zVpt5C5m8bT_P9BnI0G0rrw8r-quOiSqSfE3fzxB1nUEFUqu7DoEA8fYzU8BpgDtZWr7EpjN7K0TmgJ3wAp99M4/s1600/weigh-in+no.+42.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpAOTcaSpVn79rDF66nznL83UHXPTucnCXQ8llMXvBdvEzOkVYgVb_zVpt5C5m8bT_P9BnI0G0rrw8r-quOiSqSfE3fzxB1nUEFUqu7DoEA8fYzU8BpgDtZWr7EpjN7K0TmgJ3wAp99M4/s320/weigh-in+no.+42.jpg" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Weigh-in no. 42 (-0.4)</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Starting weight: 327.0</div>Last week : 269.8<br />
<u>This week: 269.4 </u><br />
Loss of - 0.4<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Total Loss - 57.6 lbs </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">It's better than I was expecting. Given my seeming inability to say no to food (even though I wasn't hungry!) that was just sitting in front of me several times this week (leftover catering on Tuesday, homemade pizza on Friday, fries and onion rings last night), I was expecting to see a 270+ number. That I actually had a loss was a nice surprise this morning.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">But I feel better than I did on Wednesday. I've exercised three times (swim Thursday, run/elliptical Friday, run this morning) since then and things feel back to this new normal I've come to rely upon. Crazy how that happens, huh? I'm still amazed.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">All in all, I'll be happy if I maintain or just lose a little bit between now and 30 September. Given the pressure and stress of these next couple months, I think maintenance would be a victory and anything more than that would be spectacular. And by maintenance, I mean both weight and exercise; maintaining this feeling of health, balance, physical abilities and management of stress. I think those are pretty admirable goals.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">On a side note, I saw an acquaintance/friend last night whom I had not seen in about a year. As soon as he saw me, he exclaimed, "Wow, Jayme! You've lost a lot of weight! You look great!" We talked about the amount I'd lost and how I've done it. He told me about a friend of his who's lost the same amount by doing a meal program (the one where you pay them and they send you the meals you're supposed to eat). He said he was curious if she'd keep it off since she's finished and is going back to "real" food now. He also said that she had spent about £1500/$2300 on it and I was astonished. I remarked that what I was doing only cost me £15/$20 per month in gym membership and he said he thought I'd probably be more successful in my pursuits anyway. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">For me, that conversation was really gratifying. Someone who'd not seen me since I started this process noticed, he affirmed that the way I've decided to go about it is probably the best and most sustainable way, and apparently I've saved a TON of money - even if it will take me longer to do. Not that he was any sort of expert or anything, but it was nice to get that kind of feedback and feel proud of what I've accomplished so far.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">At times it may not feel like much, but inch by inch, pound by pound, mile by mile, I am, indeed, changing my life.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;"><i><b>What are some goals that you set for yourself that may not seem like much to an outsider but are really important for you </b></i></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;"><i><b>and for living a healthy, balanced life?</b></i></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div>jayme @ Losing Half My Weighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12380717295549751269noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4911058210611192614.post-36207871324843884242011-06-22T21:33:00.000+01:002011-06-22T21:33:03.544+01:00Weigh-in no. 41: Decisions, decisionsSo, this weigh-in is WAY late. I took the photo and everything on Sunday, but just didn't get a chance to put it up that day....and then on Monday, I thought about it and then said, "Well, do I really want to? Can't I just skip this week? I don't have the time...." <br />
<br />
Needless to say, I found time this evening and thinking about all the stuff below, I decided I'd better get it posted.<br />
<br />
So here goes:<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwx1UgosL0Bafxh6ebUdo0lPy3GVAep-UQ1da7jftiE2QvxOG1WPRuUtZDL3VWeEULnNspR1QIIpoMW-2g1UlisCqJfNW9T87EPyd4FqUnEMKZL-RRTsjY5xYotYNrj3mbZeAelCRsTpk/s1600/weigh-in+41.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwx1UgosL0Bafxh6ebUdo0lPy3GVAep-UQ1da7jftiE2QvxOG1WPRuUtZDL3VWeEULnNspR1QIIpoMW-2g1UlisCqJfNW9T87EPyd4FqUnEMKZL-RRTsjY5xYotYNrj3mbZeAelCRsTpk/s320/weigh-in+41.jpg" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">weigh-in no. 41 (+ 0.6)</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Starting weight: 327.0</div>Last week : 269.2<br />
<u>This week: 269.8 </u><br />
Gain of + 0.6<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Total Loss - 57.2 lbs </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I'm slacking. I'll admit it. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">However, I refuse to beat myself up about it. Part of my journey here as been about learning how to be gentle with myself, to find balance, and to do what is best for me. It's negotiating what all that is that's the hard part.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Gaining weight is not what's best for me. Not really exercising since I've returned to vacation (including missing swim class tonight!) is not what's best for me. Letting my work and the need to devote all my time to finishing my dissertation is not balanced and is not what's best for me.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">And yet, I am not making excuses by saying that I really need to figure out how to juggle these priorities for the next 3 months. Come October (inshallah), I'll be back to blogging like a mad woman, I'll have time to spend hours (if I want) at the gym, and can really devote <strike>all</strike> a lot more of my time and energy to health and wellness. But right now, I'm having to argue with myself to justify the 6-8 hours/week (a whole day's work!) going to the gym and/or working out.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">But then the gym advocate in me says "but you don't justify the hours of sleep you need or the time you spend at your paid work or the time off you have committed to giving yourself....why do you need to justify the time to exercise? </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I can lose weight without exercising. I know that. But I don't want to. I know I eat better, feel better, and have more energy when I exercise. These last two weeks, since I haven't been going to the gym as regularly, I've also noticed a substantial drop in my energy. Whereas I came back from vacation no longer feeling fat, now I can feel the slobbishness returning with each day I sit at my desk. My butt is numb with sitting and I'm frustrated and disgusted by it.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">And so I'm trying to figure out how to negotiate these next 3 months. Do I cut back a bit, slow down weight loss (but not stop entirely) to focus on the mental endurance race that will be taking place until 30 September? Or do I keep up with my routine and hope I have enough time to get everything done?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Hmmm.......tough decisions......</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i style="color: #b45f06;"><b>Do you have any ideas on what I should do?</b></i></span></div>jayme @ Losing Half My Weighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12380717295549751269noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4911058210611192614.post-62013830428394810392011-06-12T13:39:00.001+01:002011-06-12T13:40:42.867+01:00Weigh-in no. 40 - back from vacation!<div style="color: #b45f06; text-align: center;"><b><i>....The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry....</i></b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Well, that makes it sound like something has gone wrong, but don't worry - it hasn't! All is well! It's just that I promised a weigh-in before I left on holiday and a longer post either before or just after.....and....well.....it didn't happen. * shrug * A girl - a busy girl, at that - can only do so much.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">So, without further ado, let me weigh-in and then I'll give you the scoop on the holiday and other good stuff:</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnSSuRRjNRn9ehG-DJmYGSxpKc_xFQCuZ0jhedbisg9vA45nE5RcqqYGuJJ6oHnWUMLcEL8sSDiWajWFSRhf5iPe2DtA0Y_iRvcXljJJr8IMowTZlYIXXurp0U31GRB6R2eikrWI7txZU/s1600/weigh-in+no.+40.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnSSuRRjNRn9ehG-DJmYGSxpKc_xFQCuZ0jhedbisg9vA45nE5RcqqYGuJJ6oHnWUMLcEL8sSDiWajWFSRhf5iPe2DtA0Y_iRvcXljJJr8IMowTZlYIXXurp0U31GRB6R2eikrWI7txZU/s320/weigh-in+no.+40.jpg" width="239" /></a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Starting weight: 327.0</div>2 weeks ago: 270.8<br />
<u>This week: 269.2 </u><br />
Loss of - 1.6<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Total Loss - 57.8 lbs </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">My goals for my birthday on 3 June were to:</div><ul><li><i>lose 60 lbs total (weight: 267) </i></li>
<li><i>be able to run 30 minutes consecutively </i></li>
<li><i>be able to swim 1 mile</i></li>
</ul><div style="text-align: left;"></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
I met the swimming goal the week before deadline. However, the other two I'm still working on. Am I disappointed? No. I have 2.2 lbs before I will have lost 60 lbs, so there's no way I can be disappointed. It'll come and I'll make another goal. And the running goal? At times, I get annoyed about it just because running is something I <i>soooo</i> want to be able to do and do well, but ever since I started, progress has been slower than I expected. I can run 1 mile in about 13 minutes. That's not shabby, considering, and I'm proud of it. I've worked hard to get there. I'll keep working on the running goal, all the while knowing that doing anything active is a win!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">And as for other wins and non-scale victories, there's a couple that I've had recently that I need to share here. I set a goal for myself to be able to cross my legs and have noticed that it's getting easier. However, on 24 May 2011, I was at work and just happened to look down and notice how I was sitting...</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjr6kl89I9_GMonqKEAg2iy_Tn6Bjmgf6oCk8EgBPJk5SHies-jK4-R3qbOHmq4ttJXYIv_Ywl1xigQBsch-EFv4nIIj7Ijb8VYgpk9RUeoAqvI3ypASuJyCHnK5A9QUkVH_Bu0LhAtVg4/s1600/IMG_0110.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjr6kl89I9_GMonqKEAg2iy_Tn6Bjmgf6oCk8EgBPJk5SHies-jK4-R3qbOHmq4ttJXYIv_Ywl1xigQBsch-EFv4nIIj7Ijb8VYgpk9RUeoAqvI3ypASuJyCHnK5A9QUkVH_Bu0LhAtVg4/s320/IMG_0110.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
And as I had to fly to go on vacation (a little dinky 1 hour flight from Belfast to Bristol on EasyJet), I was curious if I would need an extension still. And lo and behold....<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsXQV0yWK5juxTnfxyBVH9ep8Bfd5-NhO4ykmusfiqFWIeMVdoX9QbqXmaSteAg5nQmyS807jehfRhz6LL83gMSmSgern5AdboUjQvQqt7B6WA7MH9S1vKyqYt8IZ4YpZksAdbD52-DpY/s1600/seatbelt+-+June+2011.JPG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsXQV0yWK5juxTnfxyBVH9ep8Bfd5-NhO4ykmusfiqFWIeMVdoX9QbqXmaSteAg5nQmyS807jehfRhz6LL83gMSmSgern5AdboUjQvQqt7B6WA7MH9S1vKyqYt8IZ4YpZksAdbD52-DpY/s320/seatbelt+-+June+2011.JPG" width="238" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">ta-da!!!! no extension!!! score!!</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
Flying was so much more comfortable and less stressful than in the past. I was able to move in my seat, cross my legs, and generally not feel wedged and trapped in the seat. It was fantastic!<br />
<br />
And my holiday and birthday was fantastic as well. Seriously, I had a great time and I'd go back to Cornwall in a heartbeat. It was only an hour flight and 2 hour drive from the Bristol airport, but it might as well have been a world away. We had a beautiful, warm, rain-free long weekend where I was able to get some sun, enjoy amazing, fresh food, wear a strappy top, and generally forget about all the responsibilities and issues that are a part of life in Belfast. <br />
<br />
Because this is a weight-loss blog, I wanted to include pictures of food I ate and talk a bit about how it felt to be on vacation while in the midst of this journey.<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWdt3EjorLO-PbAaqAhmStZ4NazsMKpneMdIFsI7993m1c5x_hwfBBbrIlAUg177QXaz28GwNG9eHrLXD7ra2DaFqxorIm7rr3cjlcZP_3J-WK1YDB1NXZcLQHBByaLq8n6tm336l0TjM/s1600/cornwall+montage.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWdt3EjorLO-PbAaqAhmStZ4NazsMKpneMdIFsI7993m1c5x_hwfBBbrIlAUg177QXaz28GwNG9eHrLXD7ra2DaFqxorIm7rr3cjlcZP_3J-WK1YDB1NXZcLQHBByaLq8n6tm336l0TjM/s1600/cornwall+montage.jpg" /></a><br />
All in all, I found it surprisingly easy. I think that was down to the fact that I didn't stress about what I ate, saying to myself that gaining a bit would probably be expected given the amount of time we spent in the car traveling from place to place, the type of food that we would be eating, the beer (oh, the lovely beer!), missing workouts, etc. If I did gain during the trip, it's gone now. And I'm fine with my loss this week. <br />
<br />
On the whole though, I noticed while on the trip that my tastes have changed. I know if I didn't listen to myself and ate junk, I could have undone a lot of the psychological work I've put in related to not binging on crap and thinking I'm craving stuff that I'm really not. But I did listen to myself. When I was full, I stopped. I chose things that were fresh, non-processed, local, and extremely tasty. No candy bars on the road trip. No junk.<br />
<br />
On the day I could have had a big, greasy cooked breakfast, I felt the need for yogurt, fruit and toast and was happy. I packed fruit to carry in the car if I got the urge to snack.<br />
<br />
And I enjoyed myself. I refused to feel guilty about a scone with clotted cream and jam, locally made cheese and salami, or a freshly made <a href="http://youtu.be/sy7Q6nvEq-E">cornish pasty.</a> <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3PKY49opREtXokti4YwTUwGzehW2Ctatr-JXdEf5hhJApSx3AZDINfkCxb7rcKuoG64a8u9v9t1de8ms-oHEUFxp0iR1W2PDkrYghPDn_0QMgnYo04enPZv0HfNPWlxaBMMP01paegEs/s1600/cornwall+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="444" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3PKY49opREtXokti4YwTUwGzehW2Ctatr-JXdEf5hhJApSx3AZDINfkCxb7rcKuoG64a8u9v9t1de8ms-oHEUFxp0iR1W2PDkrYghPDn_0QMgnYo04enPZv0HfNPWlxaBMMP01paegEs/s640/cornwall+2.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Just a few photos of my favorite bits of Cornwall (Clockwise: Sunset at Cape Cornwall; St Ives beach; Fowey Estuary and St Michael's Mount in Marazion</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br />
</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDBh4RsvxoufyXjP_ItXxke7ECu-987U_1fWt1ZU35_BviovMHgTYJfq-5RjPxbCeB2qhVk7TPmNBDsx2mooxzhc113Uwk0RjTbS96YAKH5DQ50KdOcnFNhC9ZLlPbZffTwNISxex6usk/s1600/IMG_0267.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br />
</a></div>There's something I've been wanting to post for a while and have been trying to figure out how to say:<br />
<br />
I'm realizing that I don't really feel fat anymore. I know I still am - I've got about 20-25 more pounds to lose before I'm out of the "morbidly obese" category on the BMI scale. I know I've still got 102.2 pounds left to lose to be at my ideal weight. <br />
<br />
But on the whole I feel like I've become "unstuck", if that makes sense. Anything seems possible. I can swim, I can run, I can climb. My weight, on the whole, no longer holds me back. I eat what I like (in moderation, of course) and I like what I eat. I eat to enjoy and to fuel my body to do what I ask it to do. That's a huge success for me.<br />
<br />
Over the course of these last 40+ weeks, I have changed so much. I feel healthier in body, mind and spirit. For that, I am so very thankful.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="color: #b45f06; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i><b>How are you? What have I missed while I've been away? </b></i></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;"><i><b>How have things changed for you while being on this journey?</b></i></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>jayme @ Losing Half My Weighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12380717295549751269noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4911058210611192614.post-23284243105050523752011-05-30T14:27:00.001+01:002011-05-30T14:28:09.238+01:00Weigh-in no. 39<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I made a promise at the very beginning that I wouldn't apologize for not posting, but that I would post at least once per week with a weigh-in and post more if/when I had time. That has definitely been the case for the last three weeks! </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I know it can get quite boring of only seeing weigh-in posts, and don't think I haven't been thinking of things that I need to post about, but as time ticks on and the completion date for my Ph.D dissertation looms ever closer, I am finding that whatever energy I have to write needs to be funneled into that rather than my blog.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: #0b5394; text-align: center;"><b>I am due to turn in on 30 September.</b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: #0b5394; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: #0b5394; text-align: center;"><b>I have 4 months from today.</b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: #b45f06; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-large;">4 months!!!!!</span></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i>*start panic now*</i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">It's do-able. Between trying to hole myself up away from distractions (including cutting myself off completely from the internet) so I can hammer out the last bits and working out to try to 1) keep losing weight and not regress and 2) manage my stress, I just don't have much time for much else beyond trying to keep some sanity and some semblance of normalcy in my life outside of those two things.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">However, I do have some observations that I think I want to share this coming week if I'm able to find a bit of time to just sit and write them out. In short, despite the occasional panic that I'm trying hard to keep control of and use to motivate rather than consume me, I feel like I'm in a good place. I'm happy with my weight loss and personal development progress. I'm happy with what my body is able to do. On the whole, despite this Ph.D submission malarky, life is good. And for that I'm very thankful.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Plus, it's my 35th birthday at the end of the week and I'm going on holiday to please-God-let-it-be-sunny-and-warm Cornwall!! It's the last hurrah before a summer of endless (well, not endless....4 months...eeek!) days in the library glued to my laptop cranking out <strike>world-changing</strike> Ph.D passable words and ideas.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">So, yeah....I have some thoughts and reflections that I want to share but not enough time today. Today is a belated weigh-in. I did the weigh-in yesterday, but just didn't get a chance to post it as yesterday was spent with a friend whom I'd not seen in 3 years.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Anyway....on to the weigh-in....</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5wnNJIA4-D8uXKCzqvp7c3yEAdj4iIzdVAdu3sIV6-37V2Pt8EnEtED5SLE3YAb8sCEDFPUPC0aTFe6jTaaXShxgXaDDPxw059wYgnrti8T1WzRBvK5IjDF4tk0YLmIUwOXoRdSRgoxA/s1600/weigh-in+no+39.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5wnNJIA4-D8uXKCzqvp7c3yEAdj4iIzdVAdu3sIV6-37V2Pt8EnEtED5SLE3YAb8sCEDFPUPC0aTFe6jTaaXShxgXaDDPxw059wYgnrti8T1WzRBvK5IjDF4tk0YLmIUwOXoRdSRgoxA/s320/weigh-in+no+39.jpg" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">weigh-in no. 39 (-1.6)</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Starting weight: 327.0</div>Last week: 272.4<br />
<u>This week: 270.8 </u><br />
Loss of - 1.6<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Total Loss - 56.2 lbs </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">By UK weight measurements, I have now </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">lost <b>4 stone</b>. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> 1 stone = 14 lbs. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">No idea why it's still used - I always have to do math in my head to covert it, but oh well.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Also, this past week I met one of my birthday goals: to swim 1 mile. I went in on Friday for a swim, thinking I'd push myself and do .75 mile (48 lengths) so that I could hopefully complete my 1 mile (64 lengths) goal by Thursday of this week. So at 9:32am I started swimming. By 10:00am, I had done 1/2 mile and was feeling good. By 10:20 I had done .75 mile and started thinking, "If I keep going for an hour, I wonder if I would have done a mile?" At 10:32, I had 4 more lengths to do to have done a mile, so I kept going.....and so I did a mile in 1:06!! I couldn't believe it. I was prepared to take a couple hours to do a mile when I got around to doing it this week. Not too shabby.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">And I have to say I'm enjoying the muscle definition I'm gaining in my upper arms and shoulders as a result of the swimming. It's kind of hard to take a picture of your own arm/shoulder, but hey....</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0bmdinoNxErr7jva_jwv_cT7x1HZ-a9yAy_brE_TRZh55GJYhJjq71-ZNqPiKtHKmTP6FmP5skz38CX44qb2vgMRSdVqpUZeN0t1pYEZGXTbImvPOld5ByJVnLeTUaHe-ghhOlVjfi9M/s1600/arm+definition+-+30+May+2011.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0bmdinoNxErr7jva_jwv_cT7x1HZ-a9yAy_brE_TRZh55GJYhJjq71-ZNqPiKtHKmTP6FmP5skz38CX44qb2vgMRSdVqpUZeN0t1pYEZGXTbImvPOld5ByJVnLeTUaHe-ghhOlVjfi9M/s320/arm+definition+-+30+May+2011.jpg" width="239" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I'm going to try to post more in the next day or two related to the reflections I have and mentioned above. I also plan to weigh-in on Friday morning (3 June, my birthday) to see how I've done in achieving the birthday goals I set, although I may not get to post it until I'm back from holiday on Tuesday. Will do what I can and, in the meantime, on to losing more and seeing more of that beautiful muscle!!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: #b45f06; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: large;"><i>How was your weekend? </i></span></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;"><i>Any reflections you've got percolating you want to share?</i></span></b></div>jayme @ Losing Half My Weighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12380717295549751269noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4911058210611192614.post-37820366367446126352011-05-22T10:40:00.000+01:002011-05-22T10:40:56.271+01:00Weigh-in no. 38<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDiXHj0oiccrDtZuJRLVr4t-dJyBZsg7Ub-BDjqZyIDnfy2kg4PsD36SLDjPkF0wjW7qZ_vQlWzuZrEbznWOaRbq6UtyAARg0h7kpmCPbXdw6sTtfrRiLM-RDYwJCQNZANaYSAWD4XU7o/s320/weigh-in+no+38.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="239" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Weigh-in no. 38 (-0.6 lbs)</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Starting weight: 327.0<br />
Last week: 273.0<br />
<u>This week: 272.4 </u><br />
Loss of - 0.6</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Total Loss - 54.6 lbs </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Well, not as much as I was hoping for, but seeing as how I was seeing 273 all week, I was happy to see that 272 this morning even though I've been eating right and working out 3+ days per week. Not sure what is going on, but hopefully it's just a blip and not another plateau. Couldn't really afford a low number this morning if I want to make my 60 lb loss goal by 3 June, but oh well....will keep trying and see how it goes! One good thing to note though: <b>I'm more than 1/3 of the way toward my goal!</b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Not much else going on here to report. I've been wondering with all this rapture talk if when we get new bodies in heaven, we'll all be skinny? That'd save me (and many of you, I'm sure) a lot of hassle, but then that would also assume I wouldn't be left behind which, due to my heretical ways, is not assured. ;o) But alas, we're all still here and so to the gym I must continue to go. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div>jayme @ Losing Half My Weighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12380717295549751269noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4911058210611192614.post-55625746952853587392011-05-15T09:48:00.000+01:002011-05-15T09:48:07.081+01:00Weigh-in no. 37<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHSoWH49BUXtwVHV-3QNzcJ-NxQt7HIBTXfMy-C7qISVvu4BvFS0u8MmXQAva4BIAm0FLQaIv6QALDGxfyrlXGONMLbVK5TMXpP8CgqT8MA47q8dkFXnQimOG1ECDvqt0aQ1MBskm0vA8/s1600/weigh-in+no.+37.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHSoWH49BUXtwVHV-3QNzcJ-NxQt7HIBTXfMy-C7qISVvu4BvFS0u8MmXQAva4BIAm0FLQaIv6QALDGxfyrlXGONMLbVK5TMXpP8CgqT8MA47q8dkFXnQimOG1ECDvqt0aQ1MBskm0vA8/s320/weigh-in+no.+37.jpg" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">weigh-in no. 37 (-2.2)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Starting weight: 327.0<br />
Last week: 275.2<br />
<u>This week: 273.0 </u><br />
Loss of - 2.2<br />
Total Loss - 54.0 lbs<br />
<br />
I've marked 2 running goals off my goals list this week:<br />
<blockquote> * Run 10 minutes without stopping<br />
* Run 12 minutes without stopping</blockquote>On Wednesday, I ran my first full mile (1.1 to be exact) and ran it in 12+ (I don't have the exact time) minutes. After running a while on the treadmill, I stopped, lifted the towel to see what I had done and started laughing/sobbing when I saw I had done a mile. I had 2 little old ladies beside me (literally - neither of them could have been over 5' and were at least 70+....I love my gym!) who started looking at me full of concern, probably thinking I had injured myself or something. But I calmed and collected myself, walked a little bit and then started doing 6.4 mph sprints. Wednesday was a good day.<br />
<br />
Couldn't repeat the time, speed or running distance on Friday when I ran, but I wasn't feeling top form (allergies were started to get to me), so I'll give it all another go this coming week. But now I know I can do it. And that was an amazing feeling.<br />
<br />
And on Saturday, I swam 1/2 mile (800 meters/32 lengths) in 34 minutes. I was pretty proud of myself! My next 2 goals for swimming are:<br />
<blockquote> * swim 1 mile by 3 June <br />
* do 1/2 mile in 30 minutes or under</blockquote>It's do-able. I've signed up for another session of swimming class which starts week after next. My form and breathing are TONS better, but I really enjoy the class, the coach, and the accountability it gives me to swim. And I want to start working on other swim styles (backstroke, breast stroke, butterfly) over the course of the next few months, so I want to continue to go.<br />
<br />
So that's been my week.......<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i><b style="color: #b45f06;">How's your week been? Any new goals you've set? </b></i></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i><b style="color: #b45f06;"> Any funny moments in your week?</b></i></span></div>jayme @ Losing Half My Weighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12380717295549751269noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4911058210611192614.post-81053641633223697142011-05-12T12:30:00.009+01:002011-05-15T09:28:48.925+01:00Swimsuit review: Speedo Endurance+ Mindset Legsuit<div style="text-align: center;"><i>*I am writing this review on my own without any compensation or encouragement </i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>from Speedo or Simply Swim. Everything expressed here are my own opinions about equipment purchased with my own hard-earned money* </i></div><br />
I bought a new swimsuit a while back for swimming laps and taking my 'improvers' swim class. The tankini I had was just too big and generally inappropriate for fitness swimming. So I've been wanting to review my new suit because I think it's an important piece of kit for fitness, equal to finding a pair of leggings or yoga pants you like!<br />
<br />
When looking to buy my new suit, I did some research and shopping around, and I decided to go with the Speedo Endurance+ Mindset Legsuit which is available on <a href="http://store.speedo.co.uk/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/Product6_10151_10202_291058_-1_115859_33310_Y_291066">Speedo's UK website</a> and at <a href="http://www.simplyswim.com/products/Speedo/EndurancePlusMindsetLegsuit-NavyandAquatic.aspx">Simply Swim</a> (where I purchased it). <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://media.thesimplygroup.com/stockimages/Speedo_Endurance_Plus_Mindset_Legsuit_-_Navy_and_Aquatic/99753/1/2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://media.thesimplygroup.com/stockimages/Speedo_Endurance_Plus_Mindset_Legsuit_-_Navy_and_Aquatic/99753/1/2.jpg" width="312" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">you'll have to settle for the model picture of the suit</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
I decided to go with the legsuit option for a couple reasons.<br />
<blockquote><ol><li>I like the look of them. Some may think they're granny-ish, but I think they look cool and like you mean business, unlike the suits with skirts that I refuse to wear.</li>
<li>Being my size, I wasn't comfortable with showing tons of skin just yet, even at the pool.</li>
<li>I didn't want to have to always be worried about having shaved and letting that keep me from swimming (gross, I know, but hey....it's true).</li>
</ol></blockquote>I've been using the suit for about 8 weeks now and I have to say I'm pretty happy. I feel good and confident in it. It keeps me in and none of my bits (bust, belly, hips/thighs) flap about or need to be adjusted when I'm swimming, so that's great.<br />
<br />
I bought the suit a size smaller than I normally would have otherwise (I was wearing a size 22 US when I bought it and so I got the 44 size, but would have normally gotten the 46). But I just didn't want to have to buy another suit halfway through the summer, so I figured I'd take a little tightness at the beginning for a better fit for longer. I think that method worked for me.<br />
<br />
The one thing I was worried about with the suit was if whether or not the legs would ride up. Alas, they do, but only after the suit has gotten wet and you've been swimming for a little while. However, this might be because I bought the suit a little small and, in honesty, my thighs and quads are still larger than normal size (for a person my weight, I think).<br />
<br />
However, when they do ride up, it's not uncomfortable but can produce some self-conscious moments in the pool when you want to straighten them out (although women are always pulling wedgies out in regular suits too, so I don't see much of a difference).<br />
<br />
All in all, I really like this suit and will certainly consider another legsuit like this one when this one gets too big. I've been really happy with how the suit has been made, Speedo's use of endurance/chlorine-resistant fabrics, and the way it retains its shape without being slick and skimpy or showing any stress in the seams.<br />
<br />
So if you're looking for a good swimsuit for fitness swimming, considering a suit like this one might be an option for you.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #b45f06;">What pieces of fitness kit do you depend upon?</b></span></i></div>jayme @ Losing Half My Weighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12380717295549751269noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4911058210611192614.post-48893369992085088982011-05-10T11:00:00.004+01:002011-05-10T11:00:11.449+01:00Music to Sweat By: vol. 3 - Intervals/Sprints Edition<div style="text-align: left;">I invested about £15 on new music on iTunes a few weeks ago. I was getting tired of listening to the same stuff all the time, but also needed some more tunes for the elliptical and other activities for which I need to maintain intensity, if not push the envelope a little further.</div><br />
As I listened to this list the other day, I found myself doing intervals of sprints on the elliptical in time to the music. It seemed natural. With exception to the first one, which is just a good warmup song, the rest overall have good, driving beats to keep you going with choruses or bridges that are more intense, giving you rhythm and tempo to push harder and faster, increasing your intensity and kicking tail in the gym.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">However, there's one song that's missing because Grooveshark doesn't have it in their database<br />
that I would add if I could:</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Bullet with Butterfly Wings by Smashing Pumpkins</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><br />
<div style="color: #b45f06; text-align: center;"><br />
<b><span style="font-size: large;">Enjoy!!</span></b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><object height="400" width="250"><param name="movie" value="http://grooveshark.com/widget.swf" /><param name="wmode" value="window" /><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always" /><param name="flashvars" value="hostname=cowbell.grooveshark.com&playlistID=52528787&bbg=000000&bth=000000&pfg=000000&lfg=000000&bt=FFFFFF&pbg=FFFFFF&pfgh=FFFFFF&si=FFFFFF&lbg=FFFFFF&lfgh=FFFFFF&sb=FFFFFF&bfg=666666&pbgh=666666&lbgh=666666&sbh=666666&p=0" /><embed src="http://grooveshark.com/widget.swf" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="250" height="400"
flashvars="hostname=cowbell.grooveshark.com&playlistID=52528787&bbg=000000&bth=000000&pfg=000000&lfg=000000&bt=FFFFFF&pbg=FFFFFF&pfgh=FFFFFF&si=FFFFFF&lbg=FFFFFF&lfgh=FFFFFF&sb=FFFFFF&bfg=666666&pbgh=666666&lbgh=666666&sbh=666666&p=0" allowScriptAccess="always" wmode="window" /></object></div>jayme @ Losing Half My Weighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12380717295549751269noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4911058210611192614.post-64952390986119265122011-05-08T12:49:00.002+01:002011-05-08T19:38:49.482+01:00Weigh-in no. 36: so many things to celebrate!<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi09_JYPMHtj89vbXoXahsCC8yoYkFIQFmjjddiOspNpOea3LCH1OC7ca84byCS3LCEeW1pTQX9Hqf8MNaFvy7jRzcSdSIPaeB-jIL4PDpFsflj_TzIXgIkQLCdltRtG8D0itRBYv_Ww3o/s1600/weigh+in+no+36.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi09_JYPMHtj89vbXoXahsCC8yoYkFIQFmjjddiOspNpOea3LCH1OC7ca84byCS3LCEeW1pTQX9Hqf8MNaFvy7jRzcSdSIPaeB-jIL4PDpFsflj_TzIXgIkQLCdltRtG8D0itRBYv_Ww3o/s320/weigh+in+no+36.jpg" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">weigh-in no. 36 (-2.6)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Starting weight: 327.0 </div>Last week: 277.8<br />
<u>This week: 275.2 </u><br />
Loss of - 2.6<br />
Total Loss - 51.8 lbs<br />
<br />
I actually saw 1 lb less on the scale yesterday (I've been weighing a little more during the week than usual trying to pay closer attention to my nutritional/caloric balance) and I know I ate under my caloric limit yesterday, but for some reason, the protein I had has decided to extend its normal length of stay. Oh well. A 2.6 lb loss still ain't bad!! <br />
<br />
In addition to the loss this week, there's other things that have made this week amazing and marks the celebration of several things:<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><b style="color: #45818e;">1) I've lost 51.8 lbs!!</b><b> </b><br />
(and when I am at 53 lbs lost, I'm 1/3 of the way to my goal weight!)</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://fc07.deviantart.net/fs17/i/2007/122/3/e/Snoopy_Dancing_by_jessie4508.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://fc07.deviantart.net/fs17/i/2007/122/3/e/Snoopy_Dancing_by_jessie4508.jpg" width="153" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">image by jessie4508<br />
available at <a href="http://jessie4508.deviantart.com/">http://jessie4508.deviantart.com/</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #45818e; text-align: center;"><b>2) I am now wearing a size 20 (US) jeans, down from 26/28 when I started this journey</b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpv2CDSD_beZfECM6G7bQLP_A_2w_rE5x1K1d1Xpy5q2QKufvpuuUaLcf-rPkyBFaatIi-lLmfsgwSlux9DQFEDdmMAqddX9-ugO9PM4B6omfCvnGpoS89LGQo5pFIAHrw05tJgah1Ktk/s1600/jeans+-+May+2011.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="297" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpv2CDSD_beZfECM6G7bQLP_A_2w_rE5x1K1d1Xpy5q2QKufvpuuUaLcf-rPkyBFaatIi-lLmfsgwSlux9DQFEDdmMAqddX9-ugO9PM4B6omfCvnGpoS89LGQo5pFIAHrw05tJgah1Ktk/s400/jeans+-+May+2011.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">largest size 28 jeans decreasing to current size 20 jeans<br />
I got the idea for this picture from<br />
Tara at <a href="http://www.alifechangingjourney.com/">http://www.alifechangingjourney.com</a> </td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
<div style="color: #45818e; text-align: center;"><b>3) I've <a href="http://losinghalfmyweight.blogspot.com/2011/05/saying-goodbye-to-back-pain.html">said goodbye to back pain</a>!</b></div><div style="color: #45818e; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #45818e; text-align: center;"><b>4) Jim and I booked our flights, car rental and hotel for 4 days in Cornwall for my birthday! </b></div><div style="color: #45818e; text-align: center;"><b>Our first real vacation together!</b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinn44HHpyyP6o0Fo9wjJoL857xXWwlYZNQFbJeDWu4GszGlDEobuPsVXGSipPJ_O-Pitm1gyleCYbW-zS4Yena5s9Acj1cgRj_ci7gK7VoxS9SQkVvKwbiS2o78qqMzGzKsJrVhmFRHj0/s1600/st-ives.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="124" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinn44HHpyyP6o0Fo9wjJoL857xXWwlYZNQFbJeDWu4GszGlDEobuPsVXGSipPJ_O-Pitm1gyleCYbW-zS4Yena5s9Acj1cgRj_ci7gK7VoxS9SQkVvKwbiS2o78qqMzGzKsJrVhmFRHj0/s640/st-ives.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'm most looking forward to spending time in St. Ives (photo from <a href="http://www.cornwalls.co.uk/">http://www.cornwalls.co.uk</a>)</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #45818e; text-align: center;"><b>5) I got a new (to me) car that I love and that gets about 60mpg!</b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbA-kfMjjHsT9bOHNuo4QZd4dd19hS4S84I_-Ml_GhhQ_hgfC46HVqTG51GAbmK_3FoYdEElv7OZRALUplD7_e3iru0QxIHJSHOsuGIVU-7Koc5oZHvTHgF1thp8PPj9GyHXa0rv7kRTc/s1600/nina.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbA-kfMjjHsT9bOHNuo4QZd4dd19hS4S84I_-Ml_GhhQ_hgfC46HVqTG51GAbmK_3FoYdEElv7OZRALUplD7_e3iru0QxIHJSHOsuGIVU-7Koc5oZHvTHgF1thp8PPj9GyHXa0rv7kRTc/s320/nina.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">her name is Nina and she's a 2003 Peugeot 307sw</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
<div style="color: #b45f06;"><i><span style="font-size: large;"><b>How's your week been? </b></span></i></div><i><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #b45f06;">Anything worth celebrating?</b></span></i></div>jayme @ Losing Half My Weighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12380717295549751269noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4911058210611192614.post-63482217311669230922011-05-05T11:10:00.011+01:002011-05-05T11:10:00.614+01:00Saying goodbye to back painI'm a little afraid to write this post in the event that I jinx myself. I'm not superstitious....but hey, why tempt it? But oh well....life and posts must go on....<br />
<br />
Before I started this journey, I had back pain pretty regularly since 2003. I have no idea what really happened, but one day I bent down to pick up my bag and as I bent down, I felt it. Pain that took my breath away. Pain that if I kept moving I could at least attempt to function, but if I stopped, I'd be down for the count and if I attempted to get back up and moving, beads of sweat from the pain would appear.<br />
<br />
Since that first encounter, I had 'episodes' about every 6 months to a year, with twinges here and there in between. Steadily, however, they got worse each time. The first time was about 2 days. The second time about 4 days. The mother of them all in 2007 in had me down about 2 weeks.<br />
<br />
Once I moved here to Northern Ireland, I finally saw a doctor with the "mother episode" in 2007. It twinged when I was at a conference and I bent down in my chair to, once again, pick up my bag. (And to be clear, it wasn't my bag - I started hurting before I even touched it). And I then proceeded to drive home, stuck in the car for 2 hours, and then decided to go to bed because it hurt to move. That was a mistake. When I woke up the next morning, it hurt so bad that I couldn't get out of bed to go to the toilet, couldn't bend to get dressed, and I panicked and asked my friend Emma to take me to the ER because I was in so much pain. She helped me dress and somehow I got into the car, but I really have no idea how.<br />
<br />
X-rays, muscle relaxers, narcotics and a trip to the osteopath later revealed nothing life-threatening, but that the ligaments from my sacral joint (at the base of my spine) had stretched abnormally (or perhaps slightly torn) causing the muscles (the sacrospinalis) to seize/spasm to compensate for the injury. Skeletally, there was slightly more wear and tear in that area, but nothing really profound. But the doctor suggested that the stress put on my spine, particularly in the sacral area, was caused by my weight (more particularly, my hanging belly) and the injury to the ligament was a result of that stress. <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://th03.deviantart.net/fs18/PRE/f/2007/136/5/f/Back_Muscles_Chart_by_BadFish81.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://th03.deviantart.net/fs18/PRE/f/2007/136/5/f/Back_Muscles_Chart_by_BadFish81.jpg" width="500" /></a></td></tr>
<tr style="color: black;"><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><h1 style="margin-top: -4px;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="http://badfish81.deviantart.com/art/Back-Muscles-Chart-55431279">Back Muscles Chart</a> by ~<a class="u" href="http://badfish81.deviantart.com/">BadFish81</a></span></h1><h1 style="margin-top: -4px;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">(isn't it beautiful?? 2007 via <a href="http://badfish81.deviantart.com/art/Back-Muscles-Chart-55431279?q=favby%3Ashindoh%2F1123690&qo=23">deviantart</a>) </span></h1></td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
I continued to have pain after the episode in 2007, with another bad one a few months later in 2008. I used heating pads, ice packs, and drugs - but it only managed the pain somewhat. And with each twinge, I lived in fear of the next one.<br />
<br />
So, as soon as I felt up to it I started doing yoga in late 2008 and 2009 and noticed an improvement. I noticed on the days that I started hurting or having twinges, if I stretched properly, it usually kept the more severe pain at bay. But after talking with a few qualified people, I knew that the main issue was my weight and that I desperately needed to strengthen my core muscles to avoid further bouts. My back needed the muscles to be stronger and harder in order to shore up the ligament issues that kept causing the problem.<br />
<br />
I write this because it occurred to me last week that I haven't had any *real* back pain (like the stuff I described above) since just after I started this journey. I've half-way expected it to come back, but so far it hasn't. Occasionally I might ache a little - most of the time from overexertion - but the twinges are gone. I realized I no longer live in fear of being incapacitated with pain.<br />
<br />
I'm amazed at our bodies and the difference exercise and physical movement can make. There's a woman at my gym who told me the other day, "I hate exercising, but I have to." So I asked her what she meant and she told me:<br />
<blockquote><i>"6 years ago, I came in here in a wheelchair. I have fibromyalgia. If I want to move and have a life, I have to come here, I have to walk on the treadmill at a certain pace, I have to do the weights, I have to do it all. I don't want to go back to the life I was living before."</i></blockquote>I think that's amazing. And I feel privileged that she chose to share that with me.<br />
<br />
And it reminded me that while I still have my hanging belly and still have another 110 lbs to lose, I know my back thanks me already for the almost-50 lbs that are gone. We're both happy that it's stronger and been given the chance to heal. And here's to hoping that I'm back-pain free from now on.<br />
<div style="color: #b45f06; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i><b><br />
</b></i></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i style="color: #b45f06;"><b>How has your exercise changed your health? </b></i></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i style="color: #b45f06;"><b>What improvements have you noted?</b></i></span></div>jayme @ Losing Half My Weighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12380717295549751269noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4911058210611192614.post-47102379429328565672011-05-02T14:09:00.002+01:002011-05-02T14:36:04.618+01:00Blogging with IntegritySo, if you pay attention to other things on this blog other than just my posts, you'll notice a few additions that have been added over the course of the last few months and days. I want to post about these additions because I think they're important, both for me and the blogging world in general.<br />
<br />
I posted a few weeks ago about <a href="http://losinghalfmyweight.blogspot.com/2011/03/choosing-authenticity.html">choosing to be authentic</a>. I wrote "Authenticity is rooted in the value of integrity and the commitment 'to thine own self be true.'" But recently I have also made the commitment to blog with integrity not only in relation to myself and my experience, but with integrity to others, their words, contributions, and agendas as well.<br />
<br />
Lately, I've been reminded of a few things:<br />
<ol><li>There's nothing new under the sun, but yet humanity is constantly evolving. </li>
<li>What I as an individual have to contribute is unique, but it is informed and shaped by a myriad of influences, ideas, opinions, people and factors over which I have only some control. </li>
<li>Change and duplication (purposefully or inadvertently) is inevitable.</li>
<li>We are responsible for as much of that which we can be aware, and if unaware at first and then made aware later, responsibility applies with new awareness.</li>
<li>Admitting a mistake is not a sign of weakness, but an indicator of integrity and strength.</li>
<li>Transparency and authenticity are values to be nurtured and used not only for our own benefit, but also for the benefit of others and society as a whole.</li>
</ol>Maybe it's the PhD writing talking here, but I have to say I'm bothered by blogs which don't identify or name sources, inspirations, influences, etc. I think there's an issue with integrity if someone doesn't name (not just provide a "go <u style="color: blue;">here</u>" link but actually name it as in "I've been influenced by <u style="color: blue;">X. Smith's idea</u> and <u><span style="color: blue;">B. Doe's blog</span></u>" and so on) where things come from. It fails to recognize the fact that we are all shaped by others and doesn't show respect for other people's work. It lacks awareness that we are all inter-connected, our actions affect others, and what we say and do have influence for good or bad.<br />
<br />
<br />
For that reason, I've signed up to a couple initiatives that are worth taking a look at:<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_1184077175" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://1888296.sites.myregisteredsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/BWI_150sq.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.blogwithintegrity.com/">Available at http://www.blogwithintegrity.com</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
By signing up with Blog with Integrity:<br />
<ul><li>I assert that the trust of my readers and the blogging community is important to me. </li>
<li>I treat others respectfully, attacking ideas and not people. I also welcome respectful disagreement with my own ideas.</li>
<li>I believe in intellectual property rights, providing links, citing sources, and crediting inspiration where appropriate.</li>
<li>I disclose my material relationships, policies and business practices. My readers will know the difference between editorial, advertorial, and advertising, should I choose to have it. If I do sponsored or paid posts, they are clearly marked.</li>
<li>When collaborating with marketers and PR professionals, I handle myself professionally and abide by basic journalistic standards.</li>
<li>I always present my honest opinions to the best of my ability.</li>
<li>I own my words. Even if I occasionally have to eat them.</li>
</ul><br />
And <a href="http://www.ordinarycourage.com/">Brene Brown's</a> <a href="http://www.brenebrown.com/frsm">Free Range Social Media movement</a> holds to the following:<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_1184077170" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="456" src="http://www.brenebrown.com/storage/FRSM-ManifestoBlogSize.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1301937922693" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.brenebrown.com/frsm">Available at http://www.brenebrown.com/frsm</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">News flash: I'm not perfect. </div><br />
In recent days, I've gone back through and made a few changes in this here blog where I haven't attributed things correctly and I think I found them all. But as a result, I've made the commitment to join these initiatives in order to keep myself accountable, and remind myself to be aware of other people's influences in my journey and give them proper respect and credit, whether it's for an earth-shattering idea or a simple recipe. Folks in this world, including you and me, work too hard to not be given credit where it's due.<br />
<br />
So, if you see anything on this blog that has inspired you or you want to use, respect my voice and give me credit. And if you find anything in this blog that looks as if it's come from somewhere else and hasn't been properly attributed, please let me know.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i style="color: #b45f06;"><b>Here's to contributing to building a better world, </b></i></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i style="color: #b45f06;"><b>one blog post at a time!</b></i></span></div>jayme @ Losing Half My Weighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12380717295549751269noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4911058210611192614.post-62906769797966318082011-05-01T10:27:00.008+01:002011-05-01T12:48:32.209+01:00Weigh-in no. 35 & NSVTime for weigh-in this week...<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqBAEom0tZOTFMjiq50o4Pi8ZyLy77YJU86F-p5YI5xdQ3L5swB2RTpAh4FzTLpk_-YyhNEX1R8F6RhICPq-MjtvMfCZSq4oYTDOHk4bWljAyT4huOQj0ErqFrYhNnon_iGieBWYkaT1A/s320/weigh-in+no+35.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="239" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Weigh-in no. 35 (-0.6)</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Starting weight: 327.0 </div>Last week: 278.4<br />
<u>This week: 277.8 </u><br />
Loss of - 0.6 <br />
Total Loss - 49.2 lbs <br />
<br />
I think I'm retaining a bit of water today which is showing up on the scale. And I would have liked to have seen a 50lb loss this week, but oh well. No big deal. It'll come and I've got bigger fish to fry anyway.<br />
<br />
Next week I'll be able to go to the gym more than I did this week. The bank holidays here in UK have wreaked havoc on my normal schedule with the gym being closed for Easter holidays earlier in the week and then on Friday for the royal wedding.<br />
<br />
But it's all still a loss and I'm happy!<br />
<br />
And a non-scale victory and goal met this week as well that I thought I'd share. <br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGAuje1RruUPTKxJUCmuvKdYxnNWjmSiOlIeMAFKXw-xQOmhg48iou3zt96VyKb2PO5wh8jZ9VENCEn39sjgl015xjKlS9a7-5fU_wNMGqpqamcWQ8TiL_mlY-SQAxROtvUuGCgcrlLh0/s1600/collarbones+-+May+1+2011.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGAuje1RruUPTKxJUCmuvKdYxnNWjmSiOlIeMAFKXw-xQOmhg48iou3zt96VyKb2PO5wh8jZ9VENCEn39sjgl015xjKlS9a7-5fU_wNMGqpqamcWQ8TiL_mlY-SQAxROtvUuGCgcrlLh0/s400/collarbones+-+May+1+2011.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">hello clavicle!!</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
I've felt them for the last couple months or so, but I still couldn't see them. But I had a look the other day and was like, "Hey, there you are!" Yay! I have collarbones! I can tick that off of my goals list!<br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="color: #b45f06; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i><b>What non-scale victories have you had this week? </b></i></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;"><i><b>Any parts of your body you're seeing for the first time?</b></i></span></div>jayme @ Losing Half My Weighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12380717295549751269noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4911058210611192614.post-60962471634107208352011-04-28T11:14:00.000+01:002011-04-28T11:14:00.507+01:00Working towards the 3 June goal<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://farm1.static.flickr.com/190/3263233321_60553e912b_z.jpg?zz=1" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://farm1.static.flickr.com/190/3263233321_60553e912b_z.jpg?zz=1" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/irishwonkafan/">via Flickr by Alan Rossiter (2009)</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table><a href="http://cdn.elev8.com/files/2010/07/focus-on-goals-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a>So, I have some goals that I'm approaching and have a few more weeks before I need to reach them.<br />
<br />
I know I'm about to approach the 50 lb lost mark, but while I want to celebrate that milestone, I don't want to make it into a big deal. Not right now. I've struggled for the last several weeks and am hopefully just now coming out of it, so celebrating so soon feels a little premature.<br />
<br />
Instead, a while back I set some goals for me to reach by my 35th birthday on 3 June.<br />
<br />
They are:<br />
<ul><li><i>have lost 60 lbs total (weight: 267) </i></li>
<li><i>be able to run 30 minutes consecutively (approx 2.5 miles - but time is more important than distance)</i></li>
<li><i>be able to swim 1 mile</i></li>
</ul><br />
At the moment, swimming 1 mile is totally achievable. It might take me a while, but I know I can do that one now that my form, breathing and stamina in the water are so much better. So, I'll just need to time myself on it so that I know what my base time is and work to improve on that in the future.<br />
<br />
Reaching the 60 lbs lost is also do-able provided I have no more stalls, and I have to admit that scares me a bit. After feeling like I've been starting and stalling over the last 6-8 weeks, I'm lacking in a bit of confidence. But then I say to myself, "There's no reason you can't do this, Jayme! You've got 6 weeks to lose 11.4 pounds. With your increased ability in the gym (yay protein!) and summer coming on, you can totally do that!" And so I'll do the best I can and see where it gets me. Besides, I was struck by something <a href="http://asmallloss.blogspot.com/2011/04/thirty-days.html">Mary at a small loss</a> has decided to do as she gets closer to reaching a huge milestone: she's putting away her scale. Rather than being anxious and watching every small step toward (or away) from that goal, she'd rather put the numbers of the scale away and coast toward the goal. In the same way, I don't want to focus on the 50 lb lost. I don't want to be lulled into a sense that I have arrived, I want to strive for something beyond. Somewhere in that process, I will have reached 1/3 lost toward my goal weight. And when my birthday rolls around, there'll be lots to celebrate!<br />
<br />
The running goal is something I'm not sure about. I think the time has come to start running again. And the fear I have about it is of the unknown; since I haven't run in a while and have been doing the elliptical instead, I just don't know what I can do anymore. It's silly - but I'm a little afraid to try for fear that what little capacity I had (7 minutes) has diminished. But I won't know until I try, eh? I may be able to knock it out of the park and all of this fear is for nothing. But I don't know. So we'll see how I do in the coming weeks and I'll let you know. And yet, somewhere in all that, if I succeed, not only will I be able to run 1 mile but hopefully up to 2.5 miles. Those would be milestones in and of themselves.<br />
<br />
So here's to goals and the next 6 weeks!!<br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #b45f06; font-size: large;"><i><b>What short-term goals are you working towards right now?</b></i></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div>jayme @ Losing Half My Weighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12380717295549751269noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4911058210611192614.post-59092684874522008722011-04-26T10:30:00.006+01:002011-04-26T10:30:01.781+01:00Before & During (a photo diary)As I've said <a href="http://losinghalfmyweight.blogspot.com/2011/04/weigh-in-no-31.html">before</a>, I'm trying to take more pictures of myself as I go through this journey in order to be able to see the changes that are happening that I don't really see myself.<br />
<br />
Yet, I found myself lacking in 'before' photos in order to make comparisons. I always hated having my picture taken because the person I saw in the photo didn't correspond with the person I saw in the mirror: the person in the photos was really fat and since I see about a size 16 (which is still overweight, but not as big as reality) when I look in the mirror, it just didn't reflect who I thought I was (and was part of the reason why I think I just kept getting bigger and bigger - I just didn't see it!)<br />
<br />
So, I've had to raid my beloved's computer for photos taken in the last couple years. He has them; I do not. <br />
<br />
But now that I've got a few to work with, I wanted to 'recreate' them - wearing the same clothes (if I can or still have them) and doing the same thing. Mostly, this is for me, so I can see the changes as I go. <br />
<br />
So here's the first installment:<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuykcS5cj1vR-SBQHgPJBI0iFwaFeBDWvLgl237N16eSPcWIdxynNDA4Lk3fLXrZw56ZeBtxvHSOpqeR36PZYtdbvjRKL6MFKQz7jvlfGvwJimVM08u2C-GK2GtJia-vK5pBK5WElYew4/s1600/P1060889.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br />
</a></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiK-eBoqAnflKpAS7ZhFYU-DDfv_FnfSqmcKxutIMEG3j7aDvFdZht65aeIkxeyphqELHKYoiMTpFwIOMMek226MUI5DUUJi70G5iIUeWLKzyja6l1rCbRqFkG0CPFiHS9UA46bqERZaDM/s1600/Untitled1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="312" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiK-eBoqAnflKpAS7ZhFYU-DDfv_FnfSqmcKxutIMEG3j7aDvFdZht65aeIkxeyphqELHKYoiMTpFwIOMMek226MUI5DUUJi70G5iIUeWLKzyja6l1rCbRqFkG0CPFiHS9UA46bqERZaDM/s640/Untitled1.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Summer 2010 (before I started and so approx 327 lbs) April 2011 (48.6 lbs lost) </td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #3d85c6;">Now I can see it.</span></span></b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">More to come as I continue along this journey. I also plan to do another set of body shots and measurements in the next couple weeks (probably when I hit the 50 lb loss mark), so be on the lookout for that.</div>jayme @ Losing Half My Weighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12380717295549751269noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4911058210611192614.post-24413668170835674182011-04-24T09:27:00.002+01:002011-04-25T12:12:28.287+01:00Weigh-in no. 34<div style="color: #a64d79; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>Happy Easter!</b></span></div><br />
Today's weigh-in day and a chance to see how this whole protein supplement thing has been working, so here we go....<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkhzh2zBgOhD9tme2lb97cuuqHuD1yuzAYeBk8U6nMchX17TlDFoGIYSPUs8kiQuiO_vvAmfUY6_P10OhzpueDmtxgNZU8wQ2JaQ984AGqOEw7g3jlYl0BfJYu1Kvl_IItvE_jRJUyR4Y/s1600/weigh-in+no+34.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkhzh2zBgOhD9tme2lb97cuuqHuD1yuzAYeBk8U6nMchX17TlDFoGIYSPUs8kiQuiO_vvAmfUY6_P10OhzpueDmtxgNZU8wQ2JaQ984AGqOEw7g3jlYl0BfJYu1Kvl_IItvE_jRJUyR4Y/s320/weigh-in+no+34.jpg" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Weigh-in no. 34 (-1.6)</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
Starting weight: 327.0 <br />
Last week: 280.0<br />
<u>This week: 278.4 </u><br />
Loss of - 1.6 <br />
Total Loss - 48.6 lbs<br />
<br />
<div style="color: #0b5394; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">TA-DA!!</span></b></div><div style="text-align: center;"></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
Seriously, I feel so much better. While this week has been different in that I've been trying to be much more aware of what I'm putting in nutritionally (that makes it sound as if I wasn't before, but I just wasn't paying attention to protein), <a href="http://losinghalfmyweight.blogspot.com/2011/04/struggling.html">the struggle I wrote about on Monday</a> has pretty much gone.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">And in case folks are wondering, I'm not lowering carbs by upping my protein (at least not intentionally). I'm just having the protein supplements instead of other snacks I would have had, and the Powerbar I'm eating is pretty high carb (25g). Where I'm losing calories is more in the sheer volume of what I'm eating has been reduced (because my body isn't telling me I'm hungry all the time) and in fat calories (1g fat = 9 calories; 1g protein = 4 calories) as the supplements are pretty low in fat content.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Either way, that's my week! Let's see what next week holds and here's to hoping that the 280s are truly gone!</div><div style="color: #b45f06; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b><br />
</b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="color: #b45f06;">How's your week been? </span></b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="color: #b45f06;">Any big plans for Easter Weekend, the Bank Holidays (if you're in the UK), the Royal Wedding or anything else?</span></b></span></div>jayme @ Losing Half My Weighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12380717295549751269noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4911058210611192614.post-82554944664866384192011-04-22T12:23:00.004+01:002011-05-02T13:16:28.776+01:00Protein: the magic cure? Maybe....In my <a href="http://losinghalfmyweight.blogspot.com/2011/04/struggling.html">last post</a>, I talked about some of the issues I was having which were contributing to some serious struggling I have encountered on this weight loss journey I've been on. I looked at possible internal/mental issues that were holding me back, but also wondered if I was getting enough protein in my diet which would 1) enable me to work out harder and 2) help me to feel fuller than I had been feeling previously (which was leading to overeating and feeling hungry all the time). <br />
<br />
So, this week I decided that I would up my protein intake and see if that made a difference. But here's where I have to admit something: I really didn't know how much protein I was <i>supposed</i> to have been eating. I have no excuses; I just never registered that information when I was looking at my calorie intake, etc. All this exercise, understanding that you want to lose fat and not muscle mass....and I never looked at how much my protein intake should be. Shocking!<br />
<br />
<b>I thought that eating around 30-50g of protein a day was enough.</b> I had no reason for that number, but just generally estimated that that's what I normally get (even when I'm eating meat). But according to my research this past week and my current weight, <b>I should be eating 2-3x that amount</b>!!<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.hollandandbarrett.com/pages/product_detail.asp?pid=548&MCatID=316&prodid=221&cid=47&sid=0" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://www.hollandandbarrett.com/vf/productimages/HB/H200W000/HB002660_R_H200W000.gif" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The protein shake I'm using (choc flavor)</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: center;">Holy cow!!</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">As a result,<b> I should be eating between </b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b>90-150g of protein per day</b>. </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">PER DAY! </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I feel a little ashamed of myself. I should have paid attention to that. But what's done is done and now I know. But my poor body! Before this journey I didn't take care of it really at all, and now for the first 7+ months I was asking it to do things that I didn't give it the fuel to do!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">No wonder I was hungry all the time. And while I haven't talked about it here, I had noticed a drop in my muscle mass according to my body analyzer scale, so I knew something was up that needed to be changed.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">So since Monday, I've been trying to make sure I eat <i>at least </i>90g of protein per day, by supplementing my diet with a protein shake in the morning and a protein bar after working out. (Note: if you go this route, make sure and read your labels - some protein bars are really high in calories and don't have as much protein as some that are lower in calories). </div><div style="text-align: left;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.hollandandbarrett.com/pages/product_detail.asp?pid=3452&MCatID=316&prodid=3192&cid=47&sid=0" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://www.hollandandbarrett.com/vf/productimages/HB/H200W000/HB085598_R_H200W000.gif" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The protein bars I like</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"> I have to say that it has made a HUGE difference. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I still find I want to snack throughout the day, but the compulsion isn't overwhelming but seems to be a bit more of a 'habit' thing. But more than anything else, when I've exercised this week, I've not gotten as tired as quickly and my body has been able to endure and recover much better. I was tired after swimming 1/2 mile on Wednesday, but not as tired as swimming 1/4 of a mile would have made me last week. Furthermore, I was able to lift more and do more reps in weight training than previously. That's improvement all around.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">And I'm hoping that come weigh-in on Sunday, I'll see a drop in number on the scale as well.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div>Of course, as I lose, my protein intake will drop in proportion (as will calories, etc). But still - <i style="color: #3d85c6;"><b>you have to eat the right stuff to fuel the body you have right now</b></i>.<br />
<br />
So, you want to know much protein you should be eating per day? See these calculations I found <a href="http://exercise.about.com/cs/nutrition/a/protein_2.htm">at About.com</a> (and were corroborated elsewhere):<br />
<blockquote><u><b>How to Calculate Your Protein Needs:</b></u> <br />
<br />
1. Weight in pounds divided by 2.2 = weight in kg<br />
<br />
2. Weight in kg x 0.8-1.8 gm/kg = protein gm. <br />
<br />
Use a lower number if you are in good health and are sedentary (i.e., 0.8). Use a higher number (between 1 and 1.8) if you are under stress, are pregnant, are recovering from an illness, or if you are involved in consistent and intense weight or endurance training. <br />
<br />
Example: 154 lb male who is a regular exerciser and lifts weights<br />
154 lbs/2.2 = 70kg<br />
70kg x 1.5 = 105 gm protein/day <br />
<br />
<u><b>Calculating Protein as a Percentage of Total Calories:</b></u> </blockquote><blockquote>Another way to calculate how much protein you need is by using daily calorie intake and the percentage of calories that will come from protein. To do this, you'll need to know how many calories your body needs each day. <br />
<br />
First, find out what your <a href="http://exercise.about.com/library/Glossary/bldef-basal_metabolic_rate.htm">Basal Metabolic Rate</a> is by using a <a href="http://exercise.about.com/library/blbmrcalculator.htm">BMR calculator</a>. <br />
Next, figure out how many calories you burn through <a href="http://exercise.about.com/cs/fitnesstools/l/blcalorieburn.htm">daily activity</a> and add that number to your BMR. This gives you an estimate of how many calories you need to maintain your current weight. <br />
<br />
After you've figured out your maintenance calories, next figure out what percentage of your diet will come from protein. The percentage you choose will be based on your goals, fitness level, age, body type and metabolic rate. Most experts recommend that your protein intake be somewhere between 15 and 30%. When you've determined your desired percentage of protein, multiply that percentage by the total number of calories for the day. <br />
<br />
<b>Example</b>:<br />
For a 140lb female, calorie intake=1800 calories, protein=20%:<br />
1800 x .20 = 360 calories from protein. Since 1 gram of protein = 4 calories, divide protein calories by four:<br />
360/4 = 90 grams of protein per day. </blockquote><br />
There's issues with protein intake, however, if you are diabetic or have liver issues, I think. So if you have any health problems that may affect how much protein you should be eating, make sure and do your research and consult your doctor.<br />
<br />
Otherwise, this week's lesson is: Protein is where it's at.<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">Get you some!</span></b></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">*oh, and by the way, Holland & Barrett didn't give me any discounts or anything to plug their products - I just wanted to share what I'm using, but will probably give other products a go as I work out what's best for me*</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #b45f06;"><i>Have you had any "well, duh!" moments in your journey? </i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="color: #b45f06;"><i>Or am I the only one?</i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div>jayme @ Losing Half My Weighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12380717295549751269noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4911058210611192614.post-60592187025649056432011-04-18T10:05:00.002+01:002011-04-18T10:07:11.901+01:00Struggling<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2451/3849117038_79ae3eb34e_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2451/3849117038_79ae3eb34e_o.jpg" width="196" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div id="yui_3_3_0_1_13030442076861111"><b id="yui_3_3_0_1_13030442076861112">Sisyphus</b><br />
Oil on Canvas<br />
48" x 24"<br />
Completed in 2003</div>© Matthew Felix Sun<br />
<a href="http://www.matthewfelixsun.com/" rel="nofollow">www.matthewfelixsun.com</a><br />
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/matthewfelixsun/3849117038/">via Flickr</a> </td></tr>
</tbody></table>I'm having a hard time of it, y'all. And as I look back and think about it, I've been struggling off-and-on since about mid-February, but it's gotten harder and harder since then. This weight-loss process since about that time has felt like two steps forward, one and a half steps back.<br />
<br />
Overall, I'm still losing, for which I am very thankful. I weigh less than I did in mid-February. But damn if it hasn't felt like an uphill struggle.<br />
<br />
Until January, I have to say that on the whole, this losing weight business wasn't very difficult. Sure I had a couple hiccups, but nothing major. I remember being surprised at how easy it was, to be honest.<br />
<br />
But now? Now, it's difficult. <b style="color: #3d85c6;">Now, I feel like every pound I lose is a battle.</b> Some weeks I win, other weeks I lose. Some weeks I'm able to feel pretty good about what I've done (despite a gain), other weeks even a loss seems like a failure.<br />
<br />
For the past three weeks, my eating has been a<i> constant </i>struggle. I'm seriously trying to resist the urge to eat stuff in amounts that I haven't eaten since I started this journey. Temptation is at every turn and the desire to not just indulge but overeat is strong. WTF?<br />
<br />
To be fair though, these have been extraordinary weeks as well. My schedule has been chaotic, my activities not my normal routine, and emotions have been up and down. But still....<br />
<br />
I looked back through the blog to see if I could pinpoint a change and I wrote this on <a href="http://losinghalfmyweight.blogspot.com/2011/02/weigh-in-no-25-drum-roll-please.html">13 February</a>:<br />
<blockquote style="background-color: white; color: #783f04;"><i>The changes in my diet are sustainable and something I can easily do for the rest of my life. There's been nothing drastic and nothing is off limits, but I find that I don't enjoy overeating anymore. The misery of being too full isn't worth it. I find that I crave fruit and vegetables (which I never thought I would). I could easily choose to eat a big bowl of sauteed zucchini/courgette over a plate of greasy pasta any day. My portion sizes are smaller and I find quite a bit of satisfaction in recognizing when I'm full and able to push my plate away. And I don't even count calories or keep a food log but just eat intuitively, with awareness in the back of my mind of what my per day caloric intake should be. </i></blockquote>Where did that person go? And in the space of about 8 weeks no less? To be fair though, I still don't <i>enjoy</i> overeating....but that doesn't seem to stop me or curb the desire to overeat. Why is that? I have a few theories, but nothing that seems to pinpoint it exactly where my mind says, "Yep. That's it. You've hit the nail on the head."<br />
<br />
I started back on <a href="http://losinghalfmyweight.blogspot.com/2011/01/sometimes-you-just-need-to-slump.html">depression medication back in January</a>, and after a month I went for a refill and to consult with the doctor about dosage and some side-effects (namely complete loss of libido, which I know is common) that I was experiencing. He suggested I taper down, to take only half the already small dosage I was on. In the end, I stopped taking it altogether after a couple weeks of weaning off because the doctor had also basically implied that so little a dosage indicated that I was finding results more out of a placebo effect rather than the actual medication. Nice. Since that made me feel like a bit of a hypochondriac, I stopped taking it. And when did I stop completely? About the end of February. Hmmm.....<br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5046/5282281339_8d620d8911_z.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5046/5282281339_8d620d8911_z.jpg" width="298" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/34757743@N08/5282281339/"><span style="font-size: x-small;">via Stephen.D.Hammond. on Flickr</span></a><b class="username" id="yui_3_3_0_1_13030445020602373"><a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/34757743@N08/5282281339/"><span style="font-size: x-small;"></span></a></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table>I'm also wondering if it's time to bring in outside help, to start seeing a counselor/therapist who is able to observe from the outside and point out things that I am just too close to see.<br />
<br />
<div style="color: #3d85c6; text-align: center;"><b>Am I self-sabotaging as I approach </b></div><div style="color: #3d85c6; text-align: center;"><b>the 50 lb lost mark? </b></div><br />
I don't think so, but we all know how the subconscious works and at this stage, I'm willing to concede that anything may be possible.<br />
<br />
I'd like to think that I'm pretty self-aware, but this journey has taught me that there are things about which I have huge blindspots and just can't see very well on my own. I knew at some point seeing a professional would be necessary, but given the cost involved, I wanted to hold off as long as I could. Maybe the time has come. So I'm going to start looking around and see if there's anyone in the Belfast-area who specializes in overeating and obesity-related counseling. Will let you know what I find, or if anyone has any recommendations, email me.<br />
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<br />
<div style="color: #3d85c6; text-align: center;"><b>And then, I say to myself:</b></div><div style="color: #3d85c6; text-align: center;"><b>When you hear hooves pounding, don't suspect zebras. </b></div><div style="color: #3d85c6; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="color: #3d85c6; text-align: center;"><b>Is there anything else going on diet-wise that could be contributing to this?</b></div><br />
And so I wonder if I'm not getting enough protein and that's why I've been feeling like I've been starving for the last 3 weeks (I started the pescatarian adventure on 9 March). I thought I had done pretty well at replacing meat-based proteins for eggs, fish and nuts, but maybe I haven't. Since I haven't been counting the protein (shame on me), that could very well be the case. I may need to go get some protein shake mix and supplement my diet for a while. And be more diligent about taking my vitamins.<br />
<br />
So, my plan of action (because I'm tired of this crap):<br />
<ul><li>Get a protein supplement and take my vitamins every day for this coming week and see if my appetite and control over food is any better</li>
<li>Research a counselor and see what options are available to me here and the cost involved</li>
<li>If I don't see any improvement from the protein supplement and vitamins, then I'll seriously consider going back to medication, but I want to exhaust all other possibilities first.</li>
</ul>Will keep you updated on how it all goes.<br />
<div style="color: #b45f06; text-align: center;"><b><i><br />
</i></b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: large;"><i style="color: #b45f06;">Have you ever struggled with something like this? </i></span></b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: large;"><i style="color: #b45f06;">What did you do to overcome it? </i></span></b></div>jayme @ Losing Half My Weighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12380717295549751269noreply@blogger.com6