I have to admit though - I'm still struggling to see the change although others tell me they see it. Weight loss bloggers sometimes talk about having body dysmorphic issues - and some of it sounds familiar to my experience. But I seem to have two things going on: I see both a skinny person and a fat person when I look in the mirror. No, I don't see two people, but it's a weird combination of:
1) not seeing the changes from my weight loss and still feeling like I look like a blob
2) not being able to see just how big I am in the mirror, which allowed me to get to be the size I was in the first place.
So, needless to say, I don't trust the mirror or my perceptions of myself. And so, I decided I needed to take pictures more. To keep a photographic record of the change. To be able to put photos side by side and prove to myself, to be able to say, "See! You've done this!" It's still uncomfortable for me, but I think it needs to be done.
And yet, I found myself taking pride in the muscle definition in my arms when I was swimming this week and Jim keeps telling me my butt is disappearing. I have a hard time believing him, but it's nice to hear.
In other news....
|getting ready to go swim|
See, we live about 20 miles from the gym - and by U.S. standards, that's not much but for here and with the price of fuel (we're at about $8.50/£5.15 per gallon), going into town since January has been either because of absolute necessity or an intentional 'luxury'. My car only got about 25 mpg (again, by US standards not that bad, but for here it's atrocious) and so each trip into town cost me about £10/$15. So I'd consolidate everything I needed to do into two trips per week, which included the gym.
But this past week, I sold my car. Only being able to afford two trips into town per week was ridiculous. And Jim's car gets much better gas mileage, so we're down to 1 car for now (until I can find something more economical) and since he has to go into town for work, I drop him off and keep the car, which enables me to go to the gym more because I'm already in town. There are benefits to all this trouble.
I was curious as to what my weigh-in would be this week given the amount last week (which included loss of water weight gain from the week before). My appetite has been greater this week (because of all the working out or hormones? hmmm...not sure) and so I know that I've eaten more than usual.
So without further ado....
|Weigh-in no. 31 (+1.0)|
Last week: 279.8
This week: 280.8
Gain of + 1.0
Total Loss - 46.2 lbs
I feel like a bit of an idiot with the return of the 280 to the scale, particularly after all my celebration last week. But to be honest, I know now it'll go. Even though I'm up one pound this week, I don't feel stuck. I know it'll come off. I know I'll hit the 50 lb loss mark soon. I know my body can do some amazing things it couldn't do a month ago. And I'm alright. Anger isn't present today and I'm thankful for that.
How's your week been? What challenges are you working on?
What have you noticed as improvements this past week?