Wednesday, December 15, 2010

#Reverb10 catch-up: 11 things & Body Integration

Dec 11:  11 Things. What are 11 things your life doesn't need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?

This is a bit bigger question than some of the previous ones!  I'm glad I'm doing catch-up because this one has taken me a couple days to think about and write. 

Ok, so 11 6 things my life doesn't need in 2011, how I'll get rid of them and how it'll change my life:
  1. This extra weight:  I may not get rid of all of it in 2011, but I'll be seriously working toward losing as much as possible by doing what I started this year.  And life will drastically change as a result, I'm sure.
  2. Fear: I imagine this will be a lifetime challenge, but I would like to spend 2011 identifying my fears and beginning to think about how they motivate me and what I can do to change it.  I know my need to control is tied up in my fears, so exploring that and learning to lean into the fear will be a goal in the coming year.
  3. Guilt: Besides fear, guilt is my other biggest motivator.  I'm tired of it.  I'm better at dealing with it than I was last year and I'd like to be better still next year.  I want to identify what makes me feel guilty, why it has that effect, and seek ways to undermine its power in my life.
  4. Self-criticism/Self-doubt:  My inner critic is harsher than is healthy.  My spirals of self-doubt can often put me in a confidence tailspin which is unhelpful.  Again, I'm better at dealing with this than I have been in previous years, but I would like to work on this a bit more in the coming year, particularly since this will be the year that I need to be comfortable in touting my abilities and persuading people why they should hire me.  Now is not the time to be humble and self-effacing.  I would like to identify under what conditions I start to doubt myself and my abilities, what fears feed those criticisms and doubts, evaluate how realistic my standards are, and learn ways in which to channel them into more productive and healthy inner conversations that push me to do better without beating myself up.
  5. Debt: There is no way I will be debt-free at the end of 2011 unless I win the lottery.  Undoubtedly, I'll be paying off my student loans until I'm 80.  But I do want to get wiser about my money, how I manage it, what little things I can do to whittle away my debt and situate myself so that I live more healthily in body, mind and finances.
  6. Extra Junk: At times I feel like I live like Sanford & Son, particularly when it comes to our storage areas.  I often wonder, "Who needs all this crap???"  It's getting time for a big purge and so I'll be hoping to do that early in the new year.
I think that's enough.

Dec. 12: Body integration. This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn't mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?

oh, remember the days with Tom was a stud?
Why am I suddenly reminded of quote from an early scene in Top Gun:
Son, your ego is writing checks your body can't cash!
I find this question curious.  Maybe I'm not quite sure what is meant by being "integrated with my body" or maybe I'm so disintegrated that such a thought seems foreign to me.  There are times, sure, when I wish my body looked a certain way, was able to do a certain thing, or whatever.  And, less often, there are times when I know my body wants to do something and my mind says ""  But on the whole, I don't really think (at this point in time....give me a few months and ask me again) that I have a big issue with this. 

At the moment, I'd say that I'm pretty blessed because I'm aware that the time it takes my mind to get around the idea of changing thought patterns and adopt healthier habits coincides so far with my body's ability to put those thoughts and habits into action.  There are days when I wish my body was small enough to fit into certain clothes I see, but deep down I know that I'm not emotionally ready for that yet anyway, that there's still a bit more work to be done, and that when I can wear a size 12 I'll be healthier in lots of ways.

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