I need to start keeping a calendar of the days I feel so blah like Wednesday (and a bit again on Thursday). I had a couple days like that week before last as well. I chalked it up to sinuses as they're usually accompanied by sinus pressure in my head, a headache and just a general feeling of lethargy. But I just felt like a zombie. (MMMMM!! BRAINS!!!!)
I expect it's all just a symptom of the weather changing and the onset of the cold, damp winter with its shorter, grey-sky filled days that are quickly approaching along with their accompanying dread. The pull to hibernate is fierce. Autumn used to be my favorite season back home in the U.S. It was such a nice repreive from the hot, humid summers and the colors were always so uplifting. But here in Northern Ireland, I hate it because it is more a harbinger of doom. Sad, huh?
I am aware of the possibility of SAD (seasonal affective disorder) in this whole scheme. I know I'm depression-prone already, so if I need to go back to the doctor for a low dose of happy pills, I will. But I don't want to unless I have to.
Jim thinks that I'm just doing more of everything in the day-to-day of it all and it's just my body trying to say "Slow down. I can't keep up." Maybe. Will keep an eye on it and see what the next couple weeks hold.
2 days off is no big deal. I know that. I can make them up over the weekend, if need be. What concerned me more this week is that I realized when I feel like that, I have no energy to watch what I eat. And more than that: I want to eat everything in sight. See? The single-minded focus of a zombie. My appetite (albeit all mental - I know it's my brain, not my stomach saying this) is insatiable. I want to feel better - and I want food to make it feel better.
I've been asking myself these last 10 weeks since I began this journey if I am an emotional eater. I had decided that I didn't think I was because I have been able to control what I've been eating fairly well without recognizing any big influence of my emotions on when or what I ate.
But then, I am a thinker, not a feeler (I'm an INTJ on the Myers Briggs) and I often have to make myself acknowledge and pay attention to emotion/feeling. I've gotten better at that over the years. As I try to pay attention I am realizing (particularly with the above) that I do use food to soothe in some ways. I think most people do, though. And when I feel poorly, only higher fat, creamy, heavy foods seem to hit the spot. Fruit and veggies do very little or nothing for me unless they're encased in pastry or covered in a cream sauce. I wanted peanut butter, cheesy things (macaroni & cheese, cheese on toast, quesadillas), chocolate pudding, rice pudding.......................
............all childhood foods, really..........
I tried desperately this week to not succumb to what my brain was telling me I needed. I know I didn't need them. If I was so tired, I needed to sleep - not eat. So, for the most part, I rode it out and tried to be careful, telling myself that my stomach wasn't growling so I wasn't really hungry, etc. But I did finish off the last of the peanut butter (thankfully, the jar was almost empty or I probably would have eaten the whole thing) and would have had LOTS of buttered toast if we had had butter in the house.
Thank bejeezus I don't buy unhealthy stuff anymore - the temptation is lessened by not having it in the house. Otherwise, I would have made a bigger dent in it all than I did and blown this week's loss.
All that to say that I'm still trying to figure this stuff out. I'm working hard on being emotionally aware of what is going on during this process, but I am also aware that I don't want to invent something that isn't there. So as those things rise to the surface, I will deal with them. And most likely, you'll hear about them here.
On to the weigh-in for this week....
|Weigh-in no. 10 (-1.6)|
Last week: 309.4This week: 307.8
Loss of - 1.6
Total Loss -19.2
I'm totally ok with that, especially considering the struggles earlier in the week.
In other news, I am now officially in Week 2 of C25K (run 1.5 minutes, walk 2 minutes). And I had a great meeting with my research supervisor on Wednesday where he helped me figure out how to get over a couple hurdles in my research that had me daunted - well, paralyzed, really - and generally affirmed my work while giving me the kick in the pants I need occasionally. I can always count on David to do that. So, things are progressing in the research area.
So all in all, life is good.
Hopefully I'll have time to post more this week than I did last week, so there'll be more than just weigh-ins once a week. In the last couple weeks, I've gotten a haircut, new glasses, and a couple new (and smaller!) items of clothing, so I'll try to get some photos up along with a couple other reflections that have been percolating in the last few days but aren't quite formulated yet.
Until then, keep on keeping on and don't forget to enter for the giveaway if you haven't already! Entries close this coming Friday!
Question: What conditions make you eat like a zombie? What do you do about them?