Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Since this blog is about full disclosure, I need to warn folks:
I'm angry today.
Why? I'm not sure, but here's a list of possibilities:
* I'm angry that my dog seems to be unable to learn that it's bad manners to steal food off the kitchen counters, no matter what I do.
* I'm angry that meat I bought the other day has already gone off. That's another £3 in the bin.
* I'm angry that I was so looking forward to the Mumford & Sons show on Monday and it was ruined by drunk idiots and my panicked feelings of claustrophobia.
* I'm angry that I'm poor.
* I'm angry that I'm waiting to be paid for a project that should have been finished months ago.
* I'm angry that I can't run because I can't afford new shoes yet because of not being paid for the said project above.
* I'm angry that I'm not further along on my dissertation than I am and should be by this time (my final year begins in 2 weeks).
* I'm angry that I have to work at another job(s) for pay in addition to writing my dissertation.
* I'm angry that people don't do what they say they will do and fail to follow through.
* I'm angry that my home country (the U.S.) seems to have regressed further into bigotry, intolerance, self-indulgence and a whiny sense of entitlement.
* I'm angry that I have to pay attention to what I eat.
* I'm angry that I'm fat.
* I'm angry that it's going to take 1-2 years to lose this weight.
* I'm angry that I have to spend valuable time (when I should be working on my dissertation) exercising and cooking and shopping so I can make good choices.
* I'm angry that I struggle to motivate myself to work on my dissertation and keep getting distracted by other things.
* I'm angry that I'm tired.
* I'm angry that I'm angry.
* I'm angry that I can't just suck things up, have a word with myself, and get on with it.
* I'm angry that, despite everything, good people suffer, get cancer, and struggle for no good reason.
* I'm angry that my house never stays clean for more than, like, a minute.
* I'm angry that for some reason yesterday when I weighed it showed that I had gained 1.2 lbs since Sunday and I have no idea why or how.
* I'm angry that, despite my best intentions, I'm afraid I'm going to fail at losing weight.
* I'm angry that Jim hasn't been able to find a better job despite his best intentions and efforts.
* I'm angry that God's fan club can be such hateful, ungracious, backward people sometimes.
* I'm angry that Northern Ireland is still having problems, despite 12 years post-Good Friday Agreement and the blood, sweat and tears put in by so many peace-loving, capable people.
* I'm angry that summer and warmth are gone and I have to start paying for heating.
* I'm angry that, despite my convictions toward nonviolence and peace, I wanted to literally punch someone on Monday night at the concert and was prepared if the need arose.
* I'm angry that I am so undisciplined about some things.
* I'm angry that it's not acceptable for me to be angry.
* I'm angry that my standards for myself are beyond my capacity to fulfill.
Cake's song "Nugget" (aka "Shut the Fuck Up") just came on my ITunes playlist aptly named 'angry'.
"Shut the fuck up, learn to buck up."
Maybe the universe is trying to tell me something.