Sunday, August 8, 2010

The Inaugural Post - Here's to a new life and body!!

I've always been fat. I was the fat kid in primary school and I was the fat girl in high school and college. There's reasons for this - let's leave it at, perhaps, genes, processed foods, and a certain level of self-protection, which I may go into more later - but needless to say, I've been on most every diet ever known since I was about 7 years old. I've lost some over the years - my most significant loss was about 50 lbs in order to pass the physical to go work in Bosnia - but I've always gained it back.

So, I've been feeling quite a bit of dissatisfaction for a while now. At first, I was blaming it on anyone and everyone but me, but deep down I knew. When I hit size 24, I told myself that was it; I would not allow myself to get any bigger. And for a few years now, I've been pretty steady at that size 24. I said to myself, "This must be where my body wants to be" and resigned myself to it.

But in the last few months, I've noticed my clothes getting tighter, so to my horror as well as resignation I bought size 26 jeans for the first time. Chairs with arms on the side cut into my hips more than normal. My lower back hurts after most any type of exertion. My occasional bouts of depression have gotten worse. I don't feel sexy. I feel like a big blob. I have considered various types of bariatric surgery, but I simply can't afford it and it feels too extreme for me right now. So.....

Something has to change.

So I've decided to utilize one of my biggest fears to motivate me: the fear of being a fool or a failure. Once I post this and put it out for the public to see (and link it to my facebook) there's no going back. It is not an option for me to do this and then look people in the eye and say, "Yeah, I tried that but it didn't work - I couldn't do it." My personality is such that when I decide something (well, big things...) and tell people what I'm going to do, I have to follow through or suffer the consequences of my own condemnation (which can be really harsh).

Also, it would be remiss of me to not utilize one of my biggest assets: the people who love me. These people (you know who you are) have loved me without hesitation, without judgment of how big I am. They know I am more than my size. But they also love me enough to support me wholeheartedly in what I decide I need to do. So, in advance, I thank you all for your support. This will be a long, but hopefully encouraging and hope-filled, process.

Joining me in this is my partner Jim who has his own goals for losing weight, so I know I am not alone and will have someone else to hold me accountable in addition to my esteemed blog readers.

So here we go.

Height: 5'7"

Today's weight: 326 lbs.

Satisfied Goal: 175 lbs.

Dream Goal: 160 lbs.

I plan to do this with no fad diets, but the long and slow way with a permanent change in lifestyle. Just counting calories, cutting out processed foods, eating more fruit and vegetables, and exercise.

I'll post some pictures in the coming days so that there is a visual record of the change. I will also post once a week with a "weigh-in" in order to hold myself accountable to progress. So.....

Let the journey begin.


  1. Jayme,

    You are an inspiration. Thank you for being brave enough to post not only your fears and concerns but your dreams. It's why I love you so much. Know that across the pond, I'll be walking the journey with you. Lisa

  2. Oh, Jayme!!! That's so fab!!! I join in supporting you AND in losing weight- i need to lose 40lbs to be satisfied, as you say and 55 as my dream.

    As for lifestyle change, may i recommend 2 books? they are about lifestyle change and can be very encouraging- one is The Family GI Diet, and the other is "YOU on a Diet" (this one is easy to read, but annoyingly written). the YOU book has been particularly helpful as it goes in the physiology, biology and psychology of weight/fat/health. i HIGHLY recommend it.

    you go girl!!!!!

  3. You are so brave to post online. I am also starting a life change diet with one of my friends. It's pretty much the same no processed foods and eating more veg but the hard part is the exercising. I am always so tired. I have to this with someone else so I am held accountable too.

    I know you can do this. You have been through some crazy shit in your life and I KNOW you can do this. GO JAYME!!!!!!

  4. what a wonderfull idea! I will folow you, if you have results in several weeks, I will post my own letter and I will follow your exapmle!

    Do it for us!



  5. Jayme- you have produced yet another awesome photograph- of yourself and your hopes and dreams. You have my utmost admiration, love, and support. Remember to be gentle with yourself while you are being steadfast because the past reasons and the future journey are complex. I am glad you have Jim there to support and join you and I do hope to meet this wonderful man someday. Love,

  6. thanks everyone for your support!! feel free to join me! i'm working on gentleness (something i've never been particularly strong in) and commitment, along with a whole host of other things that will arise as a result in the coming months/years...but one day at a time. thank you for walking the journey with me.

  7. jayme

    one day at a time is my moto.. one split second at a time, one small decision at a time..
    we will all be here for you, so go on,.. nothing can stop you now