I've always been fat. I was the fat kid in primary school and I was the fat girl in high school and college. There's reasons for this - let's leave it at, perhaps, genes, processed foods, and a certain level of self-protection, which I may go into more later - but needless to say, I've been on most every diet ever known since I was about 7 years old. I've lost some over the years - my most significant loss was about 50 lbs in order to pass the physical to go work in Bosnia - but I've always gained it back.
So, I've been feeling quite a bit of dissatisfaction for a while now. At first, I was blaming it on anyone and everyone but me, but deep down I knew. When I hit size 24, I told myself that was it; I would not allow myself to get any bigger. And for a few years now, I've been pretty steady at that size 24. I said to myself, "This must be where my body wants to be" and resigned myself to it.
But in the last few months, I've noticed my clothes getting tighter, so to my horror as well as resignation I bought size 26 jeans for the first time. Chairs with arms on the side cut into my hips more than normal. My lower back hurts after most any type of exertion. My occasional bouts of depression have gotten worse. I don't feel sexy. I feel like a big blob. I have considered various types of bariatric surgery, but I simply can't afford it and it feels too extreme for me right now. So.....
Something has to change.
So I've decided to utilize one of my biggest fears to motivate me: the fear of being a fool or a failure. Once I post this and put it out for the public to see (and link it to my facebook) there's no going back. It is not an option for me to do this and then look people in the eye and say, "Yeah, I tried that but it didn't work - I couldn't do it." My personality is such that when I decide something (well, big things...) and tell people what I'm going to do, I have to follow through or suffer the consequences of my own condemnation (which can be really harsh).
Also, it would be remiss of me to not utilize one of my biggest assets: the people who love me. These people (you know who you are) have loved me without hesitation, without judgment of how big I am. They know I am more than my size. But they also love me enough to support me wholeheartedly in what I decide I need to do. So, in advance, I thank you all for your support. This will be a long, but hopefully encouraging and hope-filled, process.
Joining me in this is my partner Jim who has his own goals for losing weight, so I know I am not alone and will have someone else to hold me accountable in addition to my esteemed blog readers.
So here we go.
Today's weight: 326 lbs.
Satisfied Goal: 175 lbs.
Dream Goal: 160 lbs.
I plan to do this with no fad diets, but the long and slow way with a permanent change in lifestyle. Just counting calories, cutting out processed foods, eating more fruit and vegetables, and exercise.
I'll post some pictures in the coming days so that there is a visual record of the change. I will also post once a week with a "weigh-in" in order to hold myself accountable to progress. So.....
Let the journey begin.