Monday, August 9, 2010

Day Two: some additional thoughts

I've been overwhelmed by the responses from people, both on here, by email, and on facebook. I knew the support I would have from loved ones far and wide would be one of my biggest assets, but even I underestimated just how much that would be. I feel loved.

I find that I'm experiencing a tension between strong self-criticism, fear of failure, and disgust with a knowledge that I need to be gentle, loving and nurturing of myself. I think there's a need for both sides, to be honest. Yin and Yang, positive and negative, male and female, triumph and defeat, a kick in the ass and a hug - it's all needed in order for life to be balanced. And probably, when it all boils down, it is balance that I seek. Right now, I am completely out of balance.

So I seek for this blog to be in balance as well. There are times when I will probably be fairly negative - talking about the difficulties, the realities of being overweight, the various stories and factors that contribute to that for me, etc. This stuff needs to be aired out. I can't hide anymore. It's imperative for me to be open about the process if this blog is going to work in the way I need it to.

But I want to challenge myself to be positive as well (which may not come easily at first, I'll admit). I want to make sure and talk about my triumphs, about what makes me feel good, about dreams and hopes, and to give others encouragement for whatever changes they also want to make in their lives because one of the things that stood out to me in the messages that came to me in the last day were the words "inspiring", "courageous", "succeed", etc. People are watching. I am not doing this alone; and what I'm doing here means something. I can't forget that.

In the next week, I want to post "beginning" pictures, measurements and other observations I've made about being the weight I am. I also want to begin exploring various questions I have related to food, nutrition, self-confidence, etc. So watch this space.

And to sounds of Jim singing along with Elvis in his version of "Battle Hymn of the Republic"....glory, glory, hallelujah...I bid you a goodnight. :o)

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